


Wayward Son

by ProfDrLachfinger



Series: Star Wars [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Evil Space Boyfriends, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, Slash, Wounds, gay!Hux, hurt!Kylo, no redemption fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5834020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfDrLachfinger/pseuds/ProfDrLachfinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux saves Kylo from the disintegrating Starkiller Base and brings him back to the Finalizer. Just after their arrival Snoke orders for Kylo to return and complete his training. Hux is left alone with his hurt pride and a plan to take out the rebels. What will happen after Kylo returns from Snoke’s training?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lay your weary head to rest

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fanfiction I’ve ever written … and I am not sure where I am going with this xD Sadly I have seen TFA only once, but I loved the Kylo/Hux dynamic so much, I wanted to write a fic ^.^’ I don’t know how frequent the uploads will be, because different than 'Beast of Burden' this fic is still in the making ;3
> 
> As always I have to thank the most amazing **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best friend-beta again  <3 Basically this whole fic is for her and with all of her lovely meta we brainstorm-trooped together :3
> 
> And as might be apparent, the fanfiction title and the chapter names are taken from the song "Wayward Son" by Kansas. I really think it fits those two well :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

[ ](http://profdrlachfinger.tumblr.com/post/139189290687/kylo-ren-general-hux-kylux-more-or-less-a)

  

The ground underneath him trembled and surged. General Hux vacated the looming holo-communication room with long, firmly placed strides in order not to stumble despite the shaking surroundings. Everywhere around him were fleeing troopers and other frantic personnel crowding the otherwise bleak hallways. Minutes ago he had talked to Supreme Leader Snoke about what should be done in face of the ineffable destruction of Starkiller Base. Now he was more concerned with not rushing into addled people, who were chaotically running about. 

 _I failed._ Was the sole thought which burned through Hux' mind, fueling his pace.

He had been in command of this majestic and unbeatable weapon. A weapon made to bring an end to the impertinent Resistance who refused to see that it was the First Order who should reign over the galaxy. It had been his fault, that the X-Wing pilots were not disabled earlier, so that Starkiller Base could form its final strike against the rebels.

As it became clear, that the weapon was about to blow up, he contacted Supreme Leader Snoke, who told him to abandon the weapon and to take Kylo Ren with him. Ren, who had been beaten by that girl he seemed so fanatically enamored with.

Hux pulled a face not only because of the effort the running cost him, but also at the thought of that vain and uncontrolled _Master of the Knights of Ren_ he had to work with. Where Hux was organized, Ren was pure chaos. Hux _hated_ chaos.

After jogging down another nondescript but luckily vacated hallway, he rounded a corner and stood before a broad durasteel door. Quickly he located the command-panel and entered his access-code with a gloved hand. The doors slid aside like huge lumbering beasts and opened to the private hangar of Hux' starship.

The black ship sat there like a dark moth waiting for the next ray of light to guide its course. With efficient movement Hux readied the ship and shot out of the hangar into the by now raging snow storm outside.

***

The slow disintegration of the planet resulted in huge cracks, which burst open uncontrollably, sucking in air and making a small starship like Hux' hard to fly. Trying to find Ren in the debris surrounding the visible part of Starkiller Base was not hard, since his comlink was still intact and easy to locate. But finding a place to land the ship, preferably in one piece, was a daunting task.

Ren lay next to a huge gully, splitting apart the surrounding wood in which he must have fought. Slowly the crack grew bigger and bigger, all the while huge pieces of stone broke away and fell down the fathomless depth.

A burning curse erupted Hux' grim composure as he tried to bring the starship down carefully but was prevented by a strong gust of wind. It surged through the gully, pushing the machine into the swaying trees. There was a terrible groan, as the ship took down a large area of trees in its descent before hitting the ground.

Sliding out of the lopsided ship through the hold door, Hux landed on the snow covered ground, sinking in by several inches. Instantly the sharp wind whipped his long black cloak around him and drove snow into his squinting eyes.

 _All for that ungrateful knight_. Hux thought bitterly.

Due to the wind he had landed a good distance away from Ren, but also because it wouldn’t do to crush the knight with a landing starship. Snoke would not be amused. Hux might have been.

A deep rumbling, sounding like the dying sigh of the planet, accompanied by a shudder nearly forced Hux to the ground, before he started to jog towards the wounded man. There was not much time now.

Kylo Ren lay sprawled on his back, the dark robes flooded around him like a pool of spilled ink. His black clad figure was a stark contrast to the startling white snow surrounding him, giving him an otherworldly look. Underlining that fact was the ragged and bloody cut across his face, which luckily seemed to have stopped the worst of its bleeding.

Kneeling before Ren Hux grabbed for the unignited lightsaber and pocketed it. Then he made an attempt to pull the other man off the ground and throw him over his shoulder but then stopped. Near Ren's chest a bright red stain was creeping through the snow, growing bigger.

 _Fresh blood_.

Hux' stomach recoiled. He _hated_ blood. It wasn't that he hadn't seen his fair share of blood being spilled but it still made him want to throw up. It wasn't normal for a human body to be _open_ in that way. To spill parts of itself on its surroundings. And worst of all: It was _messy_.

Biting back his urge to vomit, he placed his hands underneath Ren's arms, heaving the slightly larger man onto his shoulder, before deliberately pushing himself into a position, that vaguely resembled standing.

Another shiver from the planet's core sent Hux into motion. He stumbled through the heavy snow and the biting wind back into the red illuminated starship, all the while suppressing his disgust at the thought that Ren might actually _bleed_ on him. After the hull door closed behind the two men, the fierce howling became just a dull thrumming.

Without much grace or composure Hux let his knees buckle under him and freed himself of Ren's weight. He rolled the wounded man on his back, before searching for straps to bind him fast. That chest wound looked like an upright position might do the knight no good and since this spaceship wasn't build for longer trips, it had no bunk. After all, it would only be for take off, because that was going to be rough.

Having secured Ren for his satisfaction, Hux entered the cockpit and flopped down in the pilot seat. His hair was disheveled and starting to get wet from the melting snowflakes caught in it. With a absentminded flick, he brushed some stray strands aside and started the machine.

The gushing wind made the take off extremely difficult. The starship's wings offered enough surface for the gales to get a hold and push it back on the ground. After two failed take offs Hux had enough. He might not look it, but he was an excellent pilot, albeit a very impatient one. Preparing the engine for maximum acceleration he waited for a slight uplift caused by the wind, then he let the engines flare.

In an uncontrolled bow the ship shot off the ground, veered harshly to its right, running the risk of being sucked into the growing gully, but then freed itself of the pull and sped towards outer space.

***

As soon as the spaceship left the atmosphere of Starkiller Base behind and entered the outer space, silence filled the room before a harsh shrill of the console ripped through it. It was a frantically flashing warning signal concerning the hyperdrive. The take-off with maximum acceleration had exhausted the engine, which seemed to have been damaged during the forceful landing. Having no equipment and no incline to see to the machine himself, Hux set the starship on autopilot traveling below light speed. That would have to do.

Heaving a sigh, he leaned back in the seat and massaged his eyes and temples. Today nothing had went well. First the embarrassing defeat against the Resistance, the destruction of Starkiller Base, of his _pride,_ and now a damaged spaceship in which it would take them hours to return to the First Order Fleet.

His head was one painful throb and his whole body just felt like trembling. But he still had _some_ of his pride and would not submit to trembling. Not yet anyway. And with a jolt he sat upright. He still had the wounded Ren on board with him! Muttering under his breath he pushed himself off the seat and went into the small space beyond the cockpit.

The knight luckily hadn't shifted in the turbulent take-off, although his head had rolled to the side, slightly bleeding on the durasteel floor, dark hair sticking to the cut across his face. Wrinkling his nose in disgust Hux opened the binders and examined Ren's condition.

Obviously the wounded man was unconscious, but that only due to a knock on the head or something similar, the wounds didn't seemed too deep, although the one in his chest emitted a steady flow of blood. If they kept traveling at that speed, the bleeding might actually become threatening for the other man. And if anything happened to Ren that Hux could have prevented but didn’t … Snoke would make sure that he payed for it.

Hux got up and rummaged through the different compartments until he found a medical kit. Spreading its content systematically on the ground he quickly found what he was looking for: A hemostatic spray, bacta gel, water, pads and sticking plaster.

As his gaze returned to Ren his heart gave a lurch. He had to undress the knight, before being able to tend to the wounds. His lips twitched at that prospect, not sure what to make of his accelerated pulse.

Pushing his feelings aside, he unbuckled the heavy belt, circling Ren's waist and then worked on the ripped and bloodied robe. Below the robe was a close fitting leather jacket, made from several overlaying straps. When that was finally peeled away only a thin pale grey tunic remained that was thoroughly soaked in blood.

 _At least I am wearing gloves._ Was all Hux thought as his gaze fled over Ren’s upper body.

Since the fabric was ruined anyway, he just ripped it open and gently pulled it away from the finely muscled chest, revealing a messy wound, surrounded by bruising flesh. Hux’ breath caught for a moment as he beheld the fair skin that was criss-crossed by old, fading scars. Despite those markings, Ren’s body was appealing to behold. A warm feeling bloomed in Hux’ stomach and crept up his chest, gripping his heart with fiery fingers.

The stench of fresh blood hit his nose and broke his reverie. Hux needed to stop that bleeding for Ren’s sake as much as for his own benefit. Somewhat blindly he grabbed for the clear bottle of water in order to rinse the wound.

Bloodied liquid ran down Ren’s chest, staining it even more, before pooling on the floor beneath him. With forcefully calmed hands Hux started wiping away the water and congealed blood to dry the wound.

It felt strange, letting his hands travel over Ren’s exposed body like that. Although they had worked together quite some time now, proximity never really seemed to exist between them. No matter how near they stood, how much they talked, there always was an invisible barrier keeping them apart, freezing every attempt of getting closer.

 _Not that I_ want _to be close._

Having cleaned and dried the wound as far as it was possible, Hux applied the hemostatic spray, that settled over the chest like frost, stilling the remaining flow of blood.

For some heartbeats Hux just sat on the floor next to Ren, eyeing the wound. In his head the events of the day, his failures, marched on and on, stifling every other thought he might have had. With the destruction of Starkiller Base his reputation as successful and efficient general would soon start to crumble. He lost everything he had worked for.

An ominous crack made him look up. Caught in his dark thoughts he hadn’t noticed that he gripped the spray-can rather forcefully and had dented it. Cursing under his breath he put it away and looked at the other man’s wound. The spray had done its work and the white layer had been completely absorbed by Ren’s body, stopping the bleeding of the underlaying blood vessels.

Absentmindedly Hux rubbed at his still pounding temple, smearing blood across it. Realizing what he had done he stiffened and gagged. Cleaning that up would have to wait until he had finished tending to Ren, that was more important. Now with openly trembling hands he applied a generous amount of bacta gel onto the wound, covered it with a pad and fastened it with sticking plaster. Now for the face.

His gloved hand grabbed Ren’s chin carefully, turning it towards Hux. The angular, always brooding face displayed a shocking calm, as if dead. Ignoring his queasiness Hux wetted another pad and gently pulled it across cheeks, temples and brow, nearly caressing.

After the application of bacta gel onto the facial wound Hux hastily got up. The floor beneath him seemed to shift with his movement, nearly knocking him off his feet. Stumbling towards the cockpit he checked the console: They still had some time before they got to the First Order Fleet. Annoyed by that prospect Hux rummaged wildly through a compartment above the cockpit, retrieving a rough blanket.

Head still swimming, he returned to the hold and eyed the unconscious form of the knight. Despite his looming height the other man seemed so very small and vulnerable right now. Hux knelt beside Ren and carefully covered him with the blanket. Then, submitting to an unexplainable urge, he combed through the black, now slightly wet hair, easing it away from the wounded brow.

Forgetting his blood smeared temple, Hux laid down on the unyielding durasteel floor, shutting his eyes. The headache was too much, his whole body felt ill and weak. Gradually a dark and heavy sleep claimed him, dragging him down to its depths. Today nothing had went well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read this far, it really means a lot! <3 The second chapter is already done and just needs to be edited.


	2. Once I rose above the noise and confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has returned the wounded Ren to the _Finalizer_. Now the general has to talk to Snoke about his upcoming task. Then, Ren awakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

A shrill beep ripped apart Hux’ dreamless sleep which clogged his brain like fog rising from a tepid swamp. As he opened his eyes to the gloomy, red tainted dark of the spaceship his head still thrummed, although the sharp pain in the temples had receded.

Stiffly the general pushed himself off the hard floor, his elbow lightly grazing Ren’s shoulder in that movement. Hux’ mouth, already twisted in pain, was pulled down even further, as the events from before filtered into his slowly awakening mind.

Abandoning the unconscious form of Ren, Hux walked over to the cockpit and climbed into the pilot seat, grateful for its softness. The relentless beeping announced that they were in eye contact with the First Order Fleet and that the auto pilot had stopped the approach. With an annoyed jab, Hux killed off the beeping and took over the engine. Since the hyperdrive was still damaged, he advanced the looming fleet in a aggravatingly slow pace.

Amidst the vast darkness of the outer space, pierced only with the small, insignificant lights of a thousand stars, there was the majestic Fleet of the First Order. An array of several Star Destroyers that stood silently above a small grey planet, shadowing its surface. The giant starships looked liked birds of prey, seemingly uncaring of their surroundings and far too huge to deliver a swift killing blow. Nothing could be more wrong. Inside those thousand pounds of durasteel resided a deadliness, nothing in the galaxy could equal.

 _Starkiller Base had been superior to them all._ Was Hux’ derogatory thought, as he established a connection with the hangar of the _Finalizer._

"General Hux here. I demand immediate landing priority. Now!“ he ordered, impatient to get out of this bloody spaceship.

A small crackle then, "Lieutenant Robias of the _Finalizer_ here. Demand denied. Please state your verification code.“

Hux swore silently under his breath before he replied, "Verification code 42/DB-8B7B. And you better make it quick. Otherwise I will have your head, _Lieutenant_ Robias.“

Hux didn’t even wait for a reply and shut down the connection. All personnel on the Finalizer were outranked by him by far and no one told him what to do. Especially not after events like this. Following his landing he would have to see to himself and then contact Supreme Leader Snoke in order to file in his report. Hux was anxious about his upcoming task that would follow his huge failure that weakened the First Order immensely. Uneasiness clamped its ugly jaw around his chest, stifling his breathing.

Finally the dark spaceship was picked up by a tractor beam and slowly pulled towards the towering Star Destroyer and swallowed up by its vast hangar.

***

The starship was grounded with a dull screech and a thump reverberating through the durasteel structure. Just as the ship came to a halt, Hux pushed himself out off the seat. If he sat any longer he would never get up again. Sleeping on the cold, impenetrable surface had made his lean frame far stiffer than he cared to admit. It wouldn’t do to let the troopers see him staggering like that, it was enough that his hair had been tousled by the snow storm and his black coat rumpled by his sleeping in it. He looked a _mess_.

With aching limbs he walked through the hold, past Ren and towards the cargo door. It opened with a ray of harsh light piercing through the gritty darkness, making Hux squint. After the harsh glare of the snow on Starkiller Base the gloomy confines of the spaceship, only illuminated by some red control panels, had been very nice. 

Just as the doors hit the hangar ground, a group of troopers lead by a sergeant entered the small hold, stopped and saluted.

"General Hux,“ the sergeant trooper intoned "Sergeant HG-2061 at your command–“

Hux waved the trooper off impatiently. He just wanted to get to his rooms. "Yes, yes. Take Ren to the medical quarters and get his wounds treated. I’ve only done some rudimental work there.“

"Yes, Sir–,“ the trooper started but was cut short again.

"And make sure he is properly sedated,“ Hux added wryly.

"B– why?“ was the befuddled answer.

Hux shot that impertinent trooper a look before hissing, " _Because_ , if he wakes up, and he will wake up in a fine mood I am sure, you will have a hell of a lot of trouble keeping him in the medical quarters. I don’t want him ruining the ship.“ One destroyed weapon was enough for a day.

HG-2061 nodded his understanding and turned to his men, "Get a gurney and bring Lord Ren to the medical quarters,“ He hesitated then added, "And tell them to get him sedated.“

The four troopers set to work in a efficient jog, glad to get out of Hux’ line of fire.

"What about you, Sir? You are wounded too,“ HG-2061 asked, this time more cautious.

Remembering his blood smeared temple Hux had suppress the urge to rub at the filthy spot. He had forgotten all about it when he had succumbed to his inferior need of sleep. Disgusted with himself and his weakness he strode past the sergeant.

"That is not my blood,“ he spat and crossed the hangar, in search of his rooms. 

***

Finally Hux was able to step under the scalding shower, erasing all traces of Ren’s blood upon his brow. He watched with a grim satisfaction as a small thread of pinkish water ran down his chest and legs, to vanish in the drain. The hot water turned his fair complexion to similar color. But not caring about his skin, Hux remained under the shower for a little longer, contemplating.

Due to his failure, Starkiller Base had been destroyed and with it all of his success. Although Supreme Leader Snoke didn’t show it, he had been … displeased and there would certainly be consequences. Hux needed to proof his worth once more, in order not to lose his favor with the mighty being.

If Snoke would order Ren to stay on the _Finalizer_ a little longer, Hux might get some use out of the short tempered knight. Maybe with Ren’s … _help_ Hux would be able to take down isolated rebel bases or attack some star systems which were on friendly terms with the Resistance and offered them food or even help. Of course Hux didn’t necessarily need Ren for those missions, he was well capable to wage war on the rebels himself, but the Knight of Ren had a power that not even a batch of a hundred stormtroopers could match. In that regard, Ren was quite _valuable_.

Sighting deeply, Hux cut off the stream. Small droplets of water clung to his blushed features and reddish hair as he stepped out of the shower. He made short work of toweling himself dry and changing into a new set of fresh clothes, once more pocketing Ren’s heavy lightsaber. As he combed through his hair he gazed at himself in the mirror. A minimal relief soared through his chest, as he saw that all of the dried blood had completely come off and he was once more restored to his ordered appearance.

Leaving the ‘fresher and his quarters behind, Hux made his way through the maze of corridors and hallways that made up the _Finalizer,_ to the holo communications room. It was time to talk to Snoke again.

***

Stepping out of the room, Hux felt the ground beneath him shift. Knees buckling, he swayed sidewards but caught hold of the door frame, before he fell completely. With a swift motion he stood up straight and looked around. The hallway was vacated so his shoulders sagged once more.

Talking to Snoke always got to his nerves. This time, of course, the hologram hadn’t been super-sized, but the mighty force-sensitive being had such a chilling presence, it cut through ones composure like ice shards. The pale blue eyes looked like long dead pools of water, making Hux’ stomach twist.

Even as Hux had tried to explain his idea, the Supreme Leader cut him short: Kylo Ren was to return and finish his training. Snoke hadn’t seemed too pleased about Ren’s defeat. Especially since it had been conducted by a little girl.

Hux mouth twisted, as he rounded a corner. Although he hadn’t seen the girl in question, he despised her. If she hadn’t wounded and defeated Ren, Hux might have succeeded with his idea of using the knight to fight the rebels. But now …  Snoke had made it clear that he didn’t much care for what Hux did next, as long as it didn’t concern disintegrating another weapon.

Hurt pride and a cold, brittle anger froze Hux’ features into a grim mask. He would show Snoke what he could accomplish even without Ren. He, General Hux, was a force to be reckoned with.

***

With a dull swish the doors of the medical quarters opened and made way for an enraged Hux, setting his feet upon the ground as if to break it.

"You will cease this behavior this instant!“ he shouted, advancing on Ren.

The wounded knight stood next to his bed. He was still dressed in a patient’s light grey garb but vivid specks of blood blossomed all over it. Hux stomach recoiled. In his apparent anger Ren had gotten up from bed and ripped off all of the hypodermic injections still attached to his arm. Then he had started to break all of the medical equipment in his reach with what looked like a droid’s arm.

"You,“ Ren growled and rounded upon Hux.

Hux felt himself blink, but he didn’t flinch. Ren would never succeed in daunting him with those infantile outbreaks of rage. The knight might be powerful in the force, but his psyche seemed fragile, an easy target for well placed words.

"Where is it?“ was the hissed demand as Ren came to a halt mere inches away from Hux.

Hux sneered, "I hope with that you mean the medical droid from which you have abducted this arm, so you can return it. By the Stars, Ren! Stop breaking the ship’s equipment!“

The dark, fathomless eyes of Ren narrowed as they tracked over Hux’ face, the newly healed scar giving him a ferocious look. "You’ve got it,“ he whispered.

"I do not–,“ Hux started to reply but a bodiless hand laid itself around his throat, contracting.

Resisting the frantic urge to paw at his neck, Hux bit down hard. Ren studied him attentively like he was savoring Hux’ rising panic, screaming at him through the ripped open eyes. Ren’s whole behavior was that of a volatile carnivore, always poised to lash out, never with a let down guard.

All of a sudden Hux felt his chest and sides being _touched_. Ren was working his left hand up and down Hux’ upper body, before finally resting upon his thigh. A cold, hard form pressed against his leg and he remembered: The lightsaber.

Ren’s hand shot into the pocket and retrieved the weapon. He eyed it like a mother would regard a long lost child, but then his brow furrowed as his eyes fell upon the broken part of the hilt. Instantly the force choke hold on Hux’ neck disappeared, leaving no marks to tell a story.

Coughing, Hux raised a hand to his throat that felt like it had been filled with sand. With teary eyes he watched as Ren raised his dark, disheveled head and met Hux’ gaze.

"What news of Snoke?“ he inquired, as if nothing had happened.

His ire already kindled to a fire now erupted to a true blaze as Hux croaked venomously, "Nothing. I think after your laughable defeat to a girl you are rather _worthless_ to Snoke.“

Hux didn’t see the knight move. All he felt were hands like durasteel clamps upon his shoulders and a pressure to his mind he couldn’t even comprehend. It felt like a blast of cool, hard air, pressing into the face, driving the eyes shut. But it was a sensation that couldn’t be registered it bodily, it was purely mental.

All his thoughts, from which he had never known that they were arranged in ordered lines and streams, were being ripped apart. Hux had been thinking one thing but ended up in a vast space of broken images, sounds and feelings, making no sense at all. Chains of thought ran into black voids of oblivion. Through this trail of broken thoughts filtered a black, slow moving presence touching, turning and discarding every fibre of Hux’ mind. The ruthless ripping motion of Ren’s mind made it almost impossible not to _feel_ it.

Involuntarily parts of the conversation with Snoke popped up in Hux’ head and Ren’s dark mind pounced upon it, like a hunter onto his prey. Having rummaged though the other man’s mind to his satisfaction, Ren retreated. Hux gasped as if he had been choked again. Slowly his sight returned from dizzied to normal and his eyes fell upon Ren’s taught face. Trying to compose himself once more, Hux realized that the knight still held him fast, fingers bruising the flesh underneath.

"Let go off me,“ Hux forced out every single word, since his mind was still a jumble of disconnected thoughts, searching for a hold.

The pressure on his shoulders subsided and blood started to flow into his arms again, filling them with white hot agony. In front of Hux, Ren picked up his discarded lightsaber and turned to walk to the door.

"Never keep secrets from me again,“ Was all the knight said, before he walked past the general, leaving the quarters.

Normally silence should have filled the room, instead Hux could hear a tiny, shrill sound ringing in his ears, stifling his thoughts. Never had he felt Ren so close before. It had been a cruel and painful feeling, granted, but yet … The harsh sound cut through his thought once more and ended it. It didn’t matter, Ren had gone off to Snoke and Hux was left to work alone. That was what he did best anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really so glad that some people enjoy my fanfiction thus far! <3 If it keeps you motivated to read, I have material to upload till chapter 4 and chapter 5 is in the making :3 I am trying to keep an upload schedule about one chapter each week on Wednesdays.


	3. My charade is the event of the season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Kylo separate ways but both think back to their recent time shared together. Hux still strives to eliminate the Resistance but finds that he needs another person to lead the stormtroopers in a efficient attack. Luckily Captain Phasma returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

Hux felt eyes upon him. They were cold, measuring, trying to find out if he was worthy or not. Fear crept up his heart, surrounding it like the sickening black smoke from a funeral pyre. He clung to the bodiless smoke in vain. No one should ever see into his heart. But the wispy smoke did nothing to conceal him.

 _I am worthy!_ He tried to shout but his words reached only deaf ears.

All of a sudden the smoke he tried to engulf his inner being with was ripped apart. A cruel light fell upon his scared heart and everything was revealed and found … _unworthy_. He screamed.

Hux didn’t exit his dream violently, like someone with a weaker grip on their emotions would. No, he just opened his eyes and gloomily assessed the darkness filling his room from floor to ceiling. His shirt was plastered to his body by sweat and hands were balled into shaking fists, crumpling the sheets. Cursing silently he pushed the blanket away and set his feet on the ground, savoring the cold seeping into him, calming his inner burn.

He couldn’t really remember when he last had a dream like this, fueled with his own pathetic fear of not being worthy. At least that was what he wanted to believe. Actually he could remember, Hux never forgot. The last time he had dreamt of his father’s eyes was before his final exam in the Academy. It wasn’t that Hux had been afraid of not passing the exam, but of not passing his father’s judgement.

Shoving away the relics of his fears, Hux pushed himself off of the small bunk in his room and strove towards the ‘fresher. He had only slept for about five hours, but as a general you could get up as soon as you liked, the work never got less.

He illuminated the small hygiene-facility with its glaring light, before he set to removing the dampened shirt. His shoulders still hurt with every slightly exaggerated movement he made, thanks to that infantile knight.

The mirror’s reflection of the vivid bruises caught his attention. Somehow it looked like Ren had been on fire when he held Hux; The skin was red and purple, as if burned.

 _He touched me._ Was the small thought relieving his mind in thinking about the dream he had before.

There were the fiery fingers again, slowly encasing his heart with a marring heat, making him feel … Light. Hux always knew that he preferred to touch and be touched by men. Women were chaotic to his eyes. They relied too much upon emotions and subtler forms of communication. When courting a woman you had to listen to their meaningless chatter they regarded as ‚bonding’. It wasn’t straightforward enough for Hux.

Hux knew that this preference was a flaw in him. It was the fetid source that had vomited up his dream from before. He had done everything in his might to conceal that fact from his father. If he had found out that Hux favored men, the last bit of pride he held for his son would have died in his eyes, leaving them even colder.

Hux grunted and forced the cold water-tap open. After feeling _uncomfortable_ from his dream, he now was angry with Ren who resurrect his damned past like that.

Ice cold water ran down his lean frame, as he stopped splashing water in his face and under his arms. He squinted at himself in the mirror once more, the pupils of his light green eyes contracting in the brutal light. Something about his dream had felt off. Normally Hux woke from such dreams and they evaporated like water submitted to heat. Today was different. He felt, if he only observed his eyes closely enough, he could see the vile shape of his dream moving in them. It hadn’t vanished, just receded.

 _Ren’s constant yammering about the Dark Side finally got to me, huh._ He thought irritated.

Instead of dwelling on his futile thoughts, Hux donned his black generals uniform and stepped out of his room without ordering a breakfast. There was work to be done, which would never be done.

***

He sat on a small outcropping of rock, overlooking a dreary wasteland of sand and sharp edged stones. The washed grey of the sky seemed to merge with the grey-brown face of the earth stretched out before him. A fierce wind howled, grinding stone against stone, wearing them down to the negligible sand littering the expanse of the planets surface.

Kylo wanted to shudder, but he didn’t. The wind bit in his face and clawed at his black garb, but the knight refused to budge. He knew what Snoke wanted him to learn in this test: To resist the relentless wind that was clawing at the rocks and sand, destroying them little by little. Kylo Ren wouldn’t let himself be run down by some force of nature. Although it was tempting to lie down amidst the rubble, letting the wind chafe away layer after layer of his existence, so his mind would find peace.

He had been roaming the dessert for about nine days, if he recalled correctly. Time was hard to tell since the planet had no real sun, only five pale moons lumbering in its sky. But even the frail light they emitted was nearly completely swallowed up by the constant veil of clouds. No light would reach him here.

Kylo breathed out. He wanted to meditate because he was getting anxious. Hadn’t he shown Snoke how good he could withstand the nature. That he was capable of extracting pure water from the barren grounds with his iron grip upon the Force. But his Master remained silent and Kylo had to wait.

Slowly he shut out the constant grind of his thoughts filling his head near bursting. He sunk deeper and deeper into his own being, seeking out the darkest crevice he could find in his soul, leaving the light behind. One sole thought managed to follow him. Like a pet at home which you forgot to feed. Kylo had possessed this thought since he was young: Was he worthy?

His parents had always told him that he was special, that a great power resided in him. That he would do good. His father’s eyes lay upon him all the time, looking, searching. Kylo only ever thought: _What if he sees?_ What if his father saw that Kylo might not be so special at all, that he had faults. That he might be bad.

Kylo grabbed the thought, wanting it to break, to burst, like every other emotion and memory he had rooted out of his being. But the thought slipped through his grip, seeping only deeper into his soul.

His heart raced and nearly propelled him out of his crevice, but he held fast. He had discovered something before starting to train with Snoke. Something he had found with Hux. Gently, if a little impatient, he tugged at the images he had seen in the general’s mind. They were grey and listless things, which didn’t surprise Kylo much, after all they came from Hux. But they held something that calmed him.

In the first image Kylo saw himself lying on the ground, but through Hux’ perception. Hux’ hands coursed over Kylo’s exposed chest, stilling the bleeding and tending to the wound. Hux thoughts: _Dislike for blood needs to be put aside, Ren is more important now._ Kylo reveled in Hux’ disgust for blood and his uneasiness because of it. Even unconscious he made Hux feel bad, Kylo liked that.

The next image was Hux’ leg, wetted by water carrying Kylo’s blood. Hux thoughts: _Ren is valuable for my next mission. I need to keep him on the_ Finalizer _._ The need of the First Orders general gave Kylo a gleeful satisfaction. He had become so mighty, even Hux needed him.

In the last image, Kylo looked at directly at his face, the cut across still a bright red. His own eyes were dark and unreadable, but Hux’ reaction as he touched him was as obvious like an exploding star. Kylo suppressed the need to laugh at that spark of _interest_ erupting from Hux.

Satisfied, Kylo buried his findings deep in his soul’s crevice. No one needed to know what he held there, not even Snoke. With a deep breath inflating his hitherto shallow working lungs, Kylo rose to the surface of his conscience. The weak light of the desolate planet burned his eyes as he opened them again. One thought followed him from the depths of his being: Hux was weak, Kylo was strong. He would master Snoke’s test and show him that he was worthy.

***

The next days blended into a dull routine much change. The day after Hux had returned to the _Finalizer_ he had ordered his subordinates to look out for captain Phasma. Hux had left Starkiller Base in such a rush to retrieve Ren, that he hadn’t been able to look out for his most capable captain. But that woman was resourceful, Hux knew, so sooner or later she was bound to return.

He sat in his general’s chair overlooking the main bridge with the wide viewport facing the depths of outer space. All around him was an efficient bustle that calmed his churning mind. There hadn’t been any snide remarks about the disintegration of Starkiller Base and no-one had challenged Hux’ renewed claim of the _Finalizer’s_ command. That had made it easier for Hux to take control of one of the most deadliest starships in the galaxy in order to take his revenge on the impudent rebels. But his idea of rooting out isolated rebel bases turned out to be more complicated than expected. Especially since next to Ren, Phasma wasn’t here.

Hux stapled his fingers in front of his face and pierced the starry dark behind the viewport with his glare. Captain Phasma was the only woman Hux ever got along with. He respected her for her efficiency and power. If he couldn’t get Ren for his mission, he at least wanted Phasma.

"–eral Hux?“

Hux blinked and slowly turned his head to see one of his lieutenant colonels standing next to him, wearing an insecure expression and fidgeting with her data-pad.

"Sir?“ she asked again since he had given no sign of his acknowledgement.

"What is it? Spit it out, I don’t have all day for your business,“ he snapped, letting his hands fall on the arm-rests.

The lieutenant colonel gave a small desperate sound, then said, "We have received word of Captain Phasma. She is on her way to the _Finalizer_ and will be with us in about half an hour, sir.“

Hux turned away and waved his hand. "Fine, fine. Tell her to see me immediately as soon as she gets here.“

***

The sound of the bridge’s doors opening and closing, accompanied by heavy footfalls announced Phasma’s arrival. Hux made no attempt to get out of his chair, but turned it around just as Phasma’s metallic figure came to a halt next to him.

"I knew you would turn up, sooner or later,“ Hux offered as the only kind of friendly greeting he was capable of.

"General Hux,“ Phasma inclined her helmeted head. "And I figure now you are going to ask me: ‚Why not sooner?‘.“

"Ah, I am sure you had your reasons,“ He gave a little lift of the corner of his mouth, feeling rather generous.

"After I had escaped some or other … predicament, I was able to board a small shuttle with a crew of my best men. I attempted to pursue the fleeing X-Wings and to locate their base. Unfortunately the ship I took wasn’t one of the fastest, so we didn’t succeed,“ Phasma’s words were down to business. If she was disappointed by her failure, she didn’t show it.

Hux made and unintelligible sound and got up from his chair. "That doesn’t matter now. You wouldn’t have been able to take on a full base on your own anyway. It is good that you’ve returned, we’ll commence the hunt for those filthy rebels from here.“

"I see you haven’t been idle after your return from Starkiller Base. What are your plans and where is Ren? He should hear them too,“ Phasma was still taller than Hux, even if he was standing, so she had to look down when addressing him.

"Ren is with Supreme Leader Snoke, completing his training,“ Hux responded, pointedly not raising his head to look at Phasma.

"Are you afraid of loosing him?“ the captain asked, her voice betraying nothing.

"What?“ Hux huffed, his mouth a sneer.

"To Snoke, I mean. Will Ren return after his training?“

Hux shrugged his dark clad shoulders. "I don’t know and I don’t care. The plan will function without him. If I can rely upon you?“ At his last sentence he looked up at the dark slits of Phasma’s gleaming helmet.

"When did I ever fail you?“ was the counter question with only the slightest hint of smugness to it.

"Huh. You only rile me,“ he muttered, studying the metallic armor that made her look like a living bulwark and her impassive mask, concealing all her expressions. "Have I ever told you how unnerving your helmet is?“

"Wouldn’t my actual expression be more unnerving?“ With a small chuckle Phasma turned around, exiting the bridge.

Hux heaved a weary sigh and faced the viewport again. Why did he have to deal with the most insolent of helmeted people around here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for all the kudos and comments! <3 Currently I have somewhat of a writers-block, since work in RL is really time consuming and so the inspiration suffered a little bit because of that ... But I try to finish chapter 5 soon and of course to finish the whole fic *___*


	4. I set a course for winds of fortune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Captain Phasma has returned, the elimination of the rebel bases isn't going as planned. Beside that Hux is still plagued by the weird nightmares, that have started after Kylo's departure. Now the Knight of Ren returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

Now that Phasma had returned, Hux was able to commence with his plans to take out the rebel scum until they would finally make way for the glorious First Order to rise and take over to rule the galaxy.

_Well, my destiny, anyway. But using the First Order for reaching it seems rather convenient._ Thought Hux with a tight set face as he stemmed his hands on the control panel of a wide holo-map.

In front of him was the translucent projection of the planet’s surface they were attacking at the moment. It had been surprising to find out that this rock of a planet in this insignificant star system actually provided the rebels with its main amount of fuel. The fuel’s raw material was mined and refined here, before it was hidden on merchant ships and sent to the Resistance.

“A clever piece of work on the Resistance’s behalf,“ said one of his lieutenant colonels, following the red dots, indicating First Order troops, coursing the blue map.

“An admirer of the rebels, are you?“ Hux asked, his stare appeared even colder by the ice-blue light of the projection.

The lieutenant colonel winced and started fumbling for words, “I … No, I didn’t mean to imply that … ah.“

“Out of my sight,“ Hux commanded acidly and turned his attention towards the map once more, the mission had been completed. “Tell Captain Phasma to give me her report immediately after her arrival,“ he barked and shut down the projection.

***

“What do you mean, it didn’t go well?“ Hux demanded and threw the holo-pads he had been holding rather forcefully upon the table.

He and Phasma had retreated to Hux’ personal conference room, dominated by a huge round table, in its midst a similar holo-projector, replaying the finished mission. Hux had gotten up from his chair, unable to contain his frustration any longer he started to pace in front of another gaping viewport.

Captain Phasma stood next to the table, unmoving, watching the projection. She had cast off her helmet, since the eye-slits were covered in mud and worst of all _blood_.

“As I said: It didn’t go well, because we lost a huge amount of troopers. The rebel’s sympathizers haven’t been prepared for our assault, but they were well equipped with fire arms,“ she recounted the facts of the attack she had just lead.

“Well, then you should have ordered more reinforcements and heavy firearms, had you not?“ Hux spat, he felt considerably riled by now.

“That would have done nothing,“ Phasma stated cooly, she knew when to take Hux seriously on his anger, but right now he was just disgruntled because his plan hadn’t worked out to a hundred percent, only eighty something. “We had enough fire power, but the troops tend to split apart when they go deeper into enemy territory. Instead of advancing as one, they often times march single file, so the ranks break up. The rebels use these cracks in our formation to take us down,“ she went on, knowing that Hux was always prone to reason.

Unconsciously Hux had started biting his lower lip, while listening to Phasma’s report. His arms were crossed behind his back, giving him a composed look, but it was actually just a trick to stop his hands from worrying his jacket’s hem.

“So, why don’t you keep them in check, close the lines?“ he inquired, the anger having left his voice, making it hollow.

“Because,“ Phasma explained slowly “I can’t be everywhere at once. It was easier with Ren on the missions. He could simply fill the gaps in the ranks, with him using the Force and everything. Also we had the element of fear.“

“The what?“ Hux stopped and really looked at the women for the first time.

The short blond hair was wet with sweat and plastered to her forehead in some places, the cheeks reddened by the supposedly accelerated pulse, giving her a wild look. Despite these signs of bodily exhaustion, her stance was one of power and self-confidence.

“The troopers fear Ren. When he was around they tended to stick together, unlike me, Ren kills stormtroopers who don’t … _function_ as he commands.“ Her face was only mildly troubled. Of course stormtroopers were likely to die in any attack they were sent to execute, but she would never kill them purposely.

“Ren’s not here,“ Hux stated flatly and sat back in his chair, careful not to make it look like he slumped, although he felt already drained and weary.

“He might return,“ Phasma offered and bent over to pick up her helmet, leaving dry bits of mud and blood on the conference table.

Hux eyes narrowed as he focussed the specks of dirt on the immaculate surface of his table. Why was he never spared the presence of blood? Feeling squeamish he looked up, following captain Phasma with his gaze as she took her leave.

“He might,“ Hux mumbled to no-one, not even himself.

***

Hux swirled the remains of caf in the thin cup he held, contemplating its inky color, remembering him … No he wouldn’t even go there, but then again, he did. The dreams that had started on Ren’s departure hadn’t stopped. Every night Hux’ whole body was being searched by a freezing look, ripping away every means he had to conceal his true being. The fear of loosing his father grew in his chest like a dark and twisted tree, ripping apart his skin, contracting around his ribs, crushing them.

But something wasn’t right, the face Hux saw in his dreams didn’t resemble his father at all. It was a roundish face, with strong cheekbones and chin. The hair stood off in a rakish fashion and in the dark eyes resided a humorous twinkle. His father’s eyes had never held any humor, leave alone twinkles. But still Hux felt that this face held everything of importance to him, if he failed that person, he was doomed. And there was the creeping feeling again, the knowledge that he _would_ fail. Something had always lured him away from the light, the light his father loved so much.

_Not my damned father!_ Hux erupted mentally, in his hand the cup hitched only ever so slightly, betraying nothing.

It wouldn’t do to dwell on those dreams. Hux’ father had been dead for years and if he wouldn’t accept his son for what he was, he wasn’t his father anymore. Hux stilled the cup. Where did that sentiment come from?

_Work and incompetent people are really fraying my nerves._ Hux sighed, before setting the already cooled caf aside.

All of a sudden a hectic bustle started amidst the personnel on the bridge, as they frantically worked on the control panels and the holo-screens. Hux sat up straighter and waved one of his lieutenant colonels over.

“What is the upheaval about, lieutenant colonel Bhil?“ Hux inquired.

“General Hux, sir, I think we have received word from Lord Ren,“ Bhil explained, making a nondescript motion with his hand, indicating the space behind him.

Hux stood up, towering over the other man and venom dripping from each of his words as he growled, “What do you mean ‚think‘? Are you not capable of confirming the origin of the message?“

“No, sir! I mean, yes, sir, we have confirmed the message’s origin, it is Lord Ren’s star ship alright. But he broke the contact before relaying when exactly he will arrive at the _Finalizer_.“

Hux heart made an involuntary jump at the information. Ren was actually returning to the _Finalizer_. Maybe now with Ren in his ranks he would be able to take down the rebel basis as he liked. Not sparing another glance at his subordinate, Hux left the bridge to await Ren in the hangar.

***

The hangar of the _Finalizer_ was enormous, like a wound slashed into the belly of the star destroyer. Neat rows of TIE fighters lined the bleak hall and everywhere were white clad stormtroopers tending to the engines.

Hux stalked through all of the bustle, ignoring the salutes and the gulped greetings of ‚General Hux‘. The dense carpet of stars spattering outer space showed no signs of a returning space ship and Hux had to fight hard not curse openly in his anger. But then there was a small flash and a dark, lean star ship appeared in front of the _Finalizer_ , rapidly approaching the hangar.

As soon as Ren’s ship was grounded, Hux was in front of the hold door … not _waiting_ for Ren. Just monitoring his arrival.

The cargo door opened with a dull thud, revealing nothing but darkness. Hux wanted to call out, but got the better of himself and just stared. Then a more substantial shadow separated itself from the hold, like smoke oozing out of burned out embers.

Ren was clad in his usual black attire, but wearing no helmet, since the last one had been left behind on Starkiller Base. His face appeared white as always, but to Hux’ eyes slightly more drawn. The black hair was unruly and in someplace matted to Ren’s head. And then there was something about Ren, that gave Hux’s stomach a violent twist. Normally the footfall of the knight was as heavy as Phasma’s and his composure erect, but not so now. Ren tread the hold’s chute carefully, favoring one leg and slightly leaning to one side. None of it showed upon his impassive face.

“I gather you have finished your training with Snoke and now you reward us with your presence once more,“ Hux intoned with still slightly ruffled feathers after the choke hold upon him months before.

Ren didn’t stop his deliberate pace in leaving the ship. Only his eyes turned slowly, assessing Hux, but no reply came.

Hux twisted as Ren started to pass him by. “Ah, become to grant, have you now, to talk to a general?“

A familiar smell penetrated Hux nose unbidden, now that Ren was passing him by just by inches: Blood. The thick odor hung to Ren like his heavy shawl draped around his broad frame.

“You’re wounded,“ Hux stated. It didn’t feel like an observation on his part, but as an information for Ren, who seemingly hadn’t realized that he was bleeding.

Ren stopped for a second, he had his back to Hux already, but then walked on leaving Hux behind.

Fear punched Hux in the stomach, setting him into motion. Fear for the success of his mission, nothing more. If Ren was hurt and couldn’t function, Hux couldn’t take revenge on the rebels.

“Ren! You’ll see a medical droid this instant–,“ Hux stopped when he became aware of all the troopers watching him in silence. Cursing under his breath he stalked out of the hanger, leaving orders for a medical droid to be sent to Ren’s quarters. If Ren wouldn’t take care of himself, then Hux would.

***

Fuming, Hux entered Ren’s rooms on the _Finalizer_. As soon as he had reached the bridge, he got word that the knight had destroyed another medical droid. Apparently refusing to be treated. Not wasting a moment’s time, Hux had vacated the bridge in order to find Ren’s quarters and in hope of finding some rudimental medical equipment there.

“What,“ Hux boomed upon entering the small room, “is your problem, Ren? Why won’t you let yourself be treated?“

He came to a halt in the middle of the sparsely furnished room, too much resembling his own. The floor was made from grey duracrete, desks, cupboards and the bed were encased partially in durasteel, giving them a unlively atmosphere. To Hux’ dismay it felt like the whole room was filled with the _warm_ stench of blood, making him nauseous.

Ren sat on the narrow bunk, his shawl messily thrown aside so that it laid partly upon the bed and the floor. His arms rested on his knees, the hands clasped together, missing the gloves. Ren didn’t look surprised by Hux’ angry entry, Hux could have sworn that he had seen Ren grin, wolfishly.

“I don’t need to be treated,“ Ren’s voice was so very rough and unused, that Hux had problems to understand them. “I need the pain.“ The last sentence was tinted with hurt, even the broken voice could convey it.

“What utter nonsense,“ Hux huffed and sought out the compartments he hoped held medical supplies, but also because he felt anxious under Ren’s unwavering stare. “You need to be treated because you’ll have to be in the possession of your full strength for the next move against the rebels. I can’t imagine what Snoke thinks about returning you in this state.“

It took Hux’ several moments to identify the wheezing sound Ren made as a laugh. “I rather have the impression that you need me, _General_ Hux.“

Having located a medi-kit Hux stood in front of the _laughing_ Kylo Ren. He examined the knight closely and what he saw made him even more sick than the omnipresent stench of blood. Ren’s eyes always had a cruel gleam to them and seemed unreadable. But now they had a haunted look that couldn’t be hid by the frail veil of a mocking laugh. Something had got to Ren. Unsettled him.

Covering the unfamiliar feeling of concern – still only a concern for his mission – Hux smirked, “Why yes, I need you to _function_ , Ren. So you won’t be beaten by any passing stranger.“

Again, Hux didn’t see the knight move. A pain like blaster shot erupted in his upper arm, as Ren grabbed him and yanked him down. Thinking it the best course not to resist the other men, Hux let his knees give way, so that he was now kneeling between Ren’s legs, the knight towering over him. In a futile attempt Hux yanked his arm, but couldn’t free himself, so he just kept his back pointedly upright, facing the dark eyes.

This close to Ren the smell of blood was unbearable to Hux, so he slightly adverted his face, pursing his lips. Still he had the sickening sensation of the blood’s warmth upon his face.

A surprisingly gentle touch to his cheekbone brought his head round to Ren again, who was attentively regarding Hux. The knight had pulled a blood stained thumb across Hux’s left side of the face, leaving a wet red streak. Disgust pumped through his veins, urging Hux to break away and scramble to safety. No, Hux wouldn’t submit to that inferior urge and give Ren the satisfaction of winning over him. Instead he tried to focus on the … positive side of this event, finally being touched again. One couldn’t imagine how hard it was for a high ranking general to find a decent shag for a night, without ending up being the ship’s foremost subject of gossip.

“You don’t like it,“ rumbled Ren in his dark voice, still caressing Hux’ already tainted cheek.

Hux wasn’t sure if he imagined it due to the revulsion at the ridiculous proximity of blood, but there was that bodiless wind again, pushing against his face. No, against his _mind_.

“I don’t like _you_ ,“ Hux retorted with some defiance that was hard to muster under certain circumstances.

“So what were you thinking, coming here with your comical fear of blood and trying to _mend_ me for your mission? At the first sight of blood you’re keeling over.“ Ren’s voice had a slightly more aggressive note now, but his force behind it was wavering, his eyes blinking in an unsynchronized manner.

“Well, since you … _rejected_ all of the medical droids,“ Hux started and grabbed Ren’s still moving hand returning it to its former position, “I thought it might be best if I took charge of things. You know: _If you want it to be done properly, you have to do it yourself_. Furthermore it isn’t like I don’t have experience in this. After all I patched you up after your defeat on Starkiller Base.“ Hux suppressed a ‚laughable‘ in his last sentence, not wanting to rile Ren anymore.

“Ah, yes I’ve seen it …“ Ren trailed off, his eyes were moving fast in his sockets, not staying focussed. “I am valuable to…“ He slurred, slightly bending forward.

Just as unexpected the touch upon his mind had begun, it ebbed away, like a hand of a sleeping person, slowly gliding down.

Carefully, Hux pushed Ren’s unresisting body back against the wall on the far side of the bed. The knight was unconscious due to blood loss. Blood, that was all over Hux’ pale face where it didn’t belong. The strange feeling of the fiery fingers appeared again, resulting in a even more elevated pulse. Was he starting to care about the wounded knight? Surely the stench of the blood and Ren’s little demonstration of power had left their impacts on Hux. He wasn’t thinking straight. But then Hux only knew how to think straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is still reading this silly fic! <3 Chapter 5 has been finished and will be uploaded before I leave for my holidays next week. I'll be gone for about two weeks and after that I'll start writing on chapter 6. So from chapter 5 on there will be quite a wait, I am sorry!


	5. I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Hux’ behalf Ren joins Phasma on the missions to eliminate all the rebel bases they can find. But something gnaws at the Knight of Ren, straining his nerves. That is something Hux dosen’t know, when he seeks out Ren in his quarters once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

Hux plunged and there seemed to be no end to his inevitable fall. He always knew the day would come when he would fall from grace and that the shame would never end. With a grunt he hit the thin mattress of his bunk bed. The dreams were getting worse. This time he even twitched and jerked in his sleep. A thing he knew he had never done before.

It had been one of those dreams again, that Ren had seemingly planted in Hux’ brain, when he had flicked through it like a vulgar holopad. Hux could still feel the dream clinging to his mind like tar. Rubbing at it or trying to pull it away only resulted in its spreading even further, so he tried to ignore it. But that turned out to be a futile thing, since there was still the raspy voice, telling him how ungrateful and unloving his family was. They wouldn’t accept their son in all the ways he was, with his crumbling facade of light and the massive shadows looming behind them. No, they wanted him to be good, to be perfect.

Hux rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes, watching bright stars explode in front of them, a laughable effort to illuminate the dark in his head.

_For all my family knew, I was perfect._ He admonished himself, feeling angry at his frail psyche.

The events of the last day shoved themselves in Hux’ line of thought, not making him feel better. After Ren had fallen unconscious on his bed, Hux had freed himself of the other man’s weight and had ordered _another_ medical droid. It only confirmed Hux’ previous thoughts, that the knight had suffered from blood loss, but nothing more serious and with a little treatment he would be up and about in no time.

With a grim relief Hux had vacated Ren’s rooms, in order to use his own ’fresher. The blood spread across his cheek had slowly dried and felt taught on his skin. With trembling hands and a firmly shut mouth, Hux had rubbed at the crusted blood, peeling it away. This time it didn’t feel like he had got it off completely, as soon as he left the ’fresher, his hand shot up to his cheek, retracing the place where the blood had stuck. He knew when he stepped out of his room he had to stop that telling gesture, it was enough that a bright red splotch was situated beneath his eye, looking like a rush.

When Hux had tackled the daunting amount of work, that had piled itself up in just about an hour’s absence, he got word that a message from Snoke awaited him. Retreating to his personal conference room Hux played the message and instantly became furious. Snoke just told him, that he could use Ren at his discretion for whatever plot Hux had tinkered together, as long as no further ships or weapons were destroyed. In the meantime, Hux should await further instructions.

A sharp, burning sensation started to bloom in his stomach and then spread through his entire being, making him tremble. He had lost Starkiller Base, yes. It had been a fight where the entire force of the Resistance had hit them like a wave crushing a ship against a cliff. So when the Resistance behaved like the waves, Hux would let the First Order move as a stream, slowly wearing huge boulders down to gravel, then to sand and then into oblivion. He would cut at the far spreading roots of the rebel connections, making the actual plant wither.

Hux’ fists hit the table like falling comets. Why wouldn’t Snoke see the brilliance of his plan? Why wouldn’t he acknowledge it and start granting Hux more weaponry and soldiers? Trying to regain his standing with Snoke and the restoration of his prestige seemed like he was rebuilding a whole tree from its burnt coals and ashes. A more than worthless attempt.

***

Ren’s lightsaber sliced through a human jugular and the spine beyond, shattering the bone and sending ivory pieces shower all over the crimson gashes. As soon as the rebel sunk to the ground, a grim satisfaction rose in Ren, caressing his thumping heart. The repaired lightsaber lay smoothly in his gloved hand, feeling like an even more lethal extension of his body. But despite the enticing fit, the weapon was heavy, burdened with guilt.

The darkly cloaked knight spun around with the momentum of his vicious cut that had decapitated the rebel and pushed his arm forward as if to shove a person away. There was no-one behind Ren, but the armed ranks of the Resistance’s fighters fifty meters in the distance burst apart like fine sand hit by a exhaled breath. Terrified screams erupted when the Force slammed against their bodies, hurtling them backwards. Dragging the burning, blood-red lightsaber after him, Ren advanced the broken ranks. Finally he had an outlet for all the rage that surged inside of him, cutting his innards raw and bloody. Here it was only important that he killed the people who belonged to the Resistance, he didn’t have to feel for them and their deaths carried no guilt.

Having entered the destroyed ranks of the rebels, Ren wielded his weapon with a cold determination. Each swing, each cut had to be fueled by his strength of will, forcing him to his outer limits of his power and reminding him of what lay ahead.

Like a death sentence the harsh blade fell and bit into a men’s shoulder, ripping it open, leaving him to scream. The dying man’s sound rose like hot steam and pierced Ren’s ears beneath his new helmet. Angered by the invading noise, Ren heaved the lightsaber with feral grunt and another head left its shoulders. But it was too late, the sound had already settled in the knight’s mind, transforming itself into something different, a familiar voice.

_Your lightsaber still weights heavy in your hand, Kylo._ Snoke’s voice as brittle as it may sound, pushed against Kylo’s head, nearly bursting it open.

Kylo clenched his teeth shut, biting off a scream that pounded at him with equal strength. With heavy cuts and slashes he warded off laser fire directed at him, located their sources and terminated them with an indifference that would have made a deity proud. Like a great, magnificent beast Kylo prowled the battlefield and killed everything that dared cross his path that he followed as if it were set in stone. His mission given by Hux was to re-group with Phasma who had attacked the other flank of the rebel army. That was easy. It always seemed easy to please Hux.

His thoughts of the red haired General were crushed beneath Snoke’s voice, rising inside his brain once more like a coarse sand storm. _Your training just needs one more step to fulfillment. Until then, your lightsaber will still be heavy with guilt in your hands and you not truly worthy of it._

To spite the voice boring into his mind Kylo whirled around, traced the lightsaber in an arch over his head as if it was lighter than air and let it fly down, ending another life. The death of the rebel was just a small ripple in the Force but it caressed Kylo’s aching soul. It was a thing he knew he could accomplish. He was made for killing.

_To complete your training_ , Snoke droned on in his mind, _You have to kill your–_

Kylo roared, his hands were banging against the dull helmet in an attempt to stifle the voice, as a laser bolt grazed his shoulder. With sheer will power he absorbed the force of the impact, taking only one step backwards. The pain shot through his arm, but never reached Kylo’s consciousness completely, his inner torment swallowed the insignificant bodily pain. Slowly his fists lowered from the helmet and his head turned towards the doomed rebel. With a calm hand he lifted his weapon and jabbed the hilt into the wound of the upper arm, driving the physical pain further until it outweighed the one in his soul.

Merciless the knight took out the rebel who had shot him, before he slaughtered his way through the slowly decreasing enemy ranks. Each killing blow offered a short lived satisfaction of power, of being able to accomplish something. He thought of how Hux would look when he heard that the rebels on this planet were crushed by Kylo’s might. How the green eyes would flare with the elation of success. A small, uncertain smile tugged at his lips, forever hidden by the heavy mask, locking away his emotions. Hux needed him and that felt … good.

***

"That was a superb maneuver, Lord Ren," Phasma commented as she joined Kylo on the chute leading into the hull of the space ship.

Kylo turned his head slightly and looked at the shining, immaculate mask of Captain Phasma. He knew Hux valued her for her strategic genius and efficiency, an efficiency he sometimes lacked. Phasma never got carried away by her feelings, or more importantly by her anger, a thing Kylo marveled at. His anger often times rose in him like steam, seeping into his mind and into his actions. The dried blood sticking his jacket to his upper arm reminded him of that.

"Yes," was all Kylo answered, not knowing what more to say.

Far was it from Phasma to chat, but she liked to review battles, those that were won and those that were lost, so she continued undisturbed, "I told General Hux that everything would be much easier, as soon as we would have you back in our ranks. And I was right."

Kylo wasn’t sure if the captain was smiling. As well as his mask concealed all of his feelings, so did Phasma’s.

"It would have been strange if Hux had admitted this to you himself," retorted Kylo cooly, only realizing belatedly that he hadn’t said 'General‘ and that he had said something like that at all.

Before he could draw away from Phasma he heard her say, "That is true," accompanied by a small chuckle, before she bellowed the troopers into action and the star ship took off to return to the _Finalizer_ once more.

***

After the troop had returned from their mission to destroy the hold the rebels had over that supply-base they had been running secretly, it was only Phasma who filed in her report. Ren had gone off to his quarters. Hux was quite certain that Ren only disregarded him because he wanted to irritate him and furthermore to show him that he didn’t owe obedience to anyone.

_How childish_. Hux fumed, as he walked along the corridors leading to Ren’s quarters, in order to tell Ren that he bloody well owed Hux obedience as long as he was part of the mission.

As always, Hux didn’t deign to knock at the door, after all he was the general of this star ship. With a gloved hand he pushed the plain door open and was met instantly by the smell of battlefield. The compact room was filled with the brittle, acrid tang of armor and clothing scorched by laser fire, the suffocating smell of ashes and of course, worst of all, the warm fetidness of blood seeping through fabric. In the centre of those horrible odors stood Ren like a massive statute made out of obsidian. At the sight of the towering knight Hux felt his stomach twist, not just due to the overwhelming smell.

Ren had cast off the new helmet, which already bore the marks of battle and left his black hair mussed and wet with sweat. The heavy lightsaber laid on the bed, slowly staining the white blankets with grease and mud. Like a predator the knight turned and caught Hux in his dark gaze. By turning he revealed the wounded shoulder, already coated with dried blood.

"Ah, Hux," Ren purred, his dark voice like heavy smoke rising from burning wood, a magnificent appearance but a deadly intention. "Come to mend me again?"

Hux heart stopped as if caught in a Force hold, but he knew it were only his foolish emotions, the unreasonable fancy he had taken to Ren. The door behind him shut with a mechanic click, an alien sound in the organic atmosphere of Ren’s room, filled with stench and … The pulsing presence of the Force emitting from the knight.

"No I have not come to _mend_ you. You are always so very ungrateful towards me after my services," Hux scoffed, all of a sudden at a loss for words for his initial intention of reprimanding Ren.

At first Ren’s face was carefully blank as if he was deciding between choking Hux once again for his insolent answer or to do something different. Ren smiled. The corners of his mouth moved upwards in a mechanical movement, revealing white teeth like a warning Hux would never take. This time the dark knight advanced slowly, taking measure of his prey as where to strike best.

"So you’re sad when I don’t show decent appreciation of your … misplaced affection," Ren stated, while he had rounded Hux only by centimeters, but cutting him off from the door already.

A cool dread froze Hux’ heart where usually fiery fingers would make it race and pound when he was near Ren. _Men loving other men is a misplaced preference. It’s against nature’s intentions,_ he had heard his father say more than once, when slightly drunk and talking to his fellow comrades. Hux knew he was defective but he had always been able to hide it behind his mask of disdain for other people. His rancor and ill temper had worked wonders to keep prying eyes off his inner being that was wrong and twisted. But now Ren knew.

Hux’ mouth was a thin line before he replied, failing at a sneer, "I don’t know what you are talking about, Ren. I’ve saved your live on Starkiller Base, of course I’d like some appreciation, you ungrateful bastard!“ The last sentence just rushed out of Hux, driven by his rising panic that not even his disgust at blood could equal.

Ren drew near, his odor pressing against Hux’ sense of smell, raising nausea. Two hands were set silently on the wall Hux hadn’t realized he had pressed himself against, but failed to vanish into. Against his better judgement hot blood coursed through his body like laser fire. Ren’s proximity was much more intimidating when he was conscious, not the vulnerable heap of human body when knocked out. 

"I told you,“ Ren hissed, baring his teeth ever so slightly threatening, "You shouldn’t keep secrets from me. That also goes for lying."

"I–" Hux didn’t get any farther as a strong hand grabbed his hip-bone, building up pressure. His frantic breath hitched and a pitiful sound fled his lungs.

"I’ve seen what’s in your mind." The bigger man’s breath brushed against Hux’ cheek, who was staring ahead paralyzed. "I’ve seen your thoughts about me." Tender lips grazed the prominent cheek-bones of Hux.

Hux’ mind was a supernova of sensations, every impression wanted to outweigh the other: His abominable distaste for blood was erased by his aching need for human warmth. His fear of being _unnatural_ was more than crushed by his passion rising in his now trembling body.

A gloved hand tugged the hem of his pullover from under the waistband of his trousers. The heavily worn leather was smooth against his skin, when surprisingly nimble fingers traced the bony arch of the hip-bone upward. Not keeping control of his feral needs that surged through him, Hux moved his head to meet Ren’s. Not hesitating a single second, the knight’s mouth was upon his. But before Hux could sink any deeper into the heady passion, drowning all his doubts, a cold wind pressed against his face.

Like mud thrown into a clear stream, Ren’s thoughts seeped through Hux’ consciousness once more. With cold precision the images Ren had found in Hux’ mind were shoved in front of the general’s inner eye, mocking him.

Fighting for air Hux wrenched his head away, the smell of blood penetrating his clearing senses once again. Bile was rising in his throat and drove his right hand upward, aiming for the knight’s face. With a single laugh Hux’ upper cut was stopped dead by the duracrete like strength of Ren’s hand. Locked like this the general and the knight just stood and looked at each other. Different than expected, Ren’s eyes weren’t filled with mirth but with a wild longing.

Having mustered enough will over his legs, Hux tore his hand out of the crushing grasp, turning towards the door, stifling a … What was it? A sob, a cry or just a laugh at his genreal foolishness that had signed off Starkiller Base’s destruction and was now a warrant for his own disintegration by seeking out the poisonous proximity of Kylo Ren?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU! For reading, commenting, leaving Kudos, it all means so much! <3
> 
> This will be the last update for a while ... Come next sunday I'll be on holiday for two weeks, but when I return I'll try to finish chapter 6 as fast as I can, the first 600 words of round about 2.500 are already done xD


	6. Though my mind could think, I still was a mad man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their heated encounter Hux leaves Kylo's room in order to sooth is pacing mind. Left alone, Kylo too contemplates the recent events. But then a new mission to eliminate the rebel threat awaits Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to **CaptBexx** (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta  <3

****Kylo’s hand was raised, as if he was still grabbing Hux’ weak fist, that had been aimed at the knight’s face. Slowly, Kylo retreated his arm and looked at the black clad palm. The warmth of Hux’ flushed skin against the leather still lingered on ever so slightly. In an unconscious movement, Kylo brought the opened hand up against his face as if to test how much body heat still resided in the lifeless form of the glove and how long it might stay, before leaving him cold again.

The touch to his face accompanied with another person’s warmth reminded him of the last time, a human being had touched him. He had been standing on a narrow bridge, crossing an endless depth, always beckoning to him. But then another being had called out to him, using a name that was so utterly infused with light, that it had pierced through the darkness shrouding his heart. Kylo could never leave the darkness he had given himself over to, that meant the name had to die, like every other thread that bore a connection to his life before his descent. So he had severed that thread and pushed it into the gawping depth below.

A burning pain seared through his upper arm, crushing into his body and contracting his lungs. The hand that had been resting on his face seconds before was now pushed deeply into the wound on his other arm, probing the laid bare flesh, evoking new streams of blood. Kylo always told himself that so think back was to go back, and he never wanted to re-live that moment again. A moment where another fragment of his former self had been destroyed. But as soon as his mind found the way down that light infested road towards the past, he couldn’t stop. The only way to end his foolish thoughts was pain, a compromise he was only too willing to embrace. Bodily pain meant nothing to him.

Brought back to his senses, Kylo stopped fingering the wound and gazed around the bleak room, that suddenly felt rather empty with Hux gone. Absent-mindedly Kylo peeled off his gloves and flicked them carelessly onto the grey floor, where they landed with a wet thud. His intention had been to rile Hux, to show the petty general that no-one held any command over the Master of the Knights of Ren. But then something different had happened when he entered Hux’ mind again, like it was a portal swung wide only to welcome him home. The path he took into the other man’s thoughts felt familiar, but not just because he had been there before. It almost felt like Hux mind had _moulded_ itself against Kylo’s, tugging him deeper.

With surprisingly clean fingers he undid the fastenings of his bloodied jacket and threw it onto the small bunk, covering his lightsaber. Kylo studied his pale chest and abdomen, every now and then crossed by a silvery scar only as thick as a finger’s width. Another image of his body bloomed up in front of his mind’s eye and settled over his actual view. In the new image his body was bruised and wounded, but regarded with a strange fondness Kylo couldn’t place.

It was Hux impression of his body, that he had gleaned from the general’s mind, when he had refused to tell him all the information he had about Snoke’s new orders. When the knight had found these images and emotions at first, he was full of mirth that he had something to use against the general who liked to act up once in a while on a delusion of grandeur. So when Hux had entered Ren’s room and tried to reprimand him for not filing in his report, Kylo just followed his instincts. He had cornered Hux between the wall and himself before he closed in, building up the proximity until he had touched him, _kissed_ him.

Hux’ immediate reaction had been as visible as a supernova to Kylo’s Force attuned eyes. All around the smaller man the Force sang and vibrated with _longing_. Something Kylo would never have thought the general could feel. But then the knight too, had felt the pull of Hux’ pulsing desire. 

Kylo shuddered and his bare arms erupted into goosebumps. Never had he believed he could raise emotions like that in another person again. More than that, to reciprocate those feelings, to let his guard down and another person inside. With a cold dread ghosting down his back like snowflakes, Kylo realized that the mental touch he had extended towards Hux’ worked both ways.

***

Without a coherent thought Hux stormed out of Ren’s room. His thin, long legs had settled into a stride which let the corridors of the _Finalizer_ fly by in a dark grey blur, dotted with red and white lights like fading stars. Hot tears pressed themselves against the back of his eyes, demanding to be set free. But he wouldn’t. Hux would rather die than to cry out in the open with the chance of everybody seeing what a frail, weak and utterly unnatural creature he was.

That he had longed for Ren’s touch like that, that his body had ached to be freed of his clothing just to be more close to the knight made Hux sick.

Hux acknowledged no one he passed by on his hurried way back to his own, dreary room. More than usual he shrouded himself in an air of brooding preoccupation, not one of the troopers or his lieutenants would dare to interrupt. The next attack against the Resistance would not be before tomorrow, so there was no need to be present on the bridge. No need to show himself to anyone, it was enough already that he had to share the room with himself. A person he could rather do without at the moment.

When he had returned to his room, Hux had simply shut the door and pressed his back against the durasteel structure, not knowing where to put himself. But the cold of the material seeped through his black, ruffled pullover and resurrected the sensation on his skin, when he had been pressed against the wall in Ren’s quarters. Unable to re-live that moment once again, Hux pushed himself away from the door and took two faltering steps into the harshly lit room. All around him the room danced. Hux’ teary eyes were only capable of a blurry vision, blending furniture and walls into one meaningless smudge even faster than before.

_Ren knows_. That thought hammered against Hux’ head like a drill,  sending crushing avalanches of fear through his slim body, forcing sobs out of his mouth.

Images of his father’s disapproving stare joined the memory of Ren’s childlike mirth as he forced Hux to look at the thoughts the knight had cruelly ripped from his mind. Slowly his father turned away and left a small, scared child behind, that just wanted to be loved the way it was, because it didn’t know how to be something else.

Choking on his stifled cry Hux sunk to the floor and hit the ground hard with his thinly clad knees. It had happened again; He had let people see what he really was deep down inside and it disgusted them. In his mind the child shook with feeble sobs, rendering its frail body useless for any further movements. Hux was starting to become angry with his younger, even more incapable version of himself, wishing it to be gone, as he realized that the child had dark, curly hair.

Realization caught Hux off guard like a 20 ton durasteel beam swung at him to catch. All those haunting dreams he had had the past month about being worthy, of making _his_ father proud, hadn’t been his.

When Ren had taken memories out of Hux’ mind, as if they were some rubbish keepsakes, their blank spaces needed to be filled, so the mind wouldn’t collapse. To take Hux’ memories with him, Ren had to leave his own.

***

Kylo exploded. Like a god-sent fireball he burst through the enemy ranks, taking down the rebels in a glowing red hurricane. His heavy lightsaber danced around him as a phoenix rising out of his own ashes in order to wield revenge on those that wronged him. All around him the Force wailed and thrummed with the dying screams of the fallen, pooling in his gut, driving him on.

The attack on yet another rebel base had been going on for about the better part of an hour. Today it was Kylo’s mission to take the enemy by surprise with an ambush tactic. He had been stationed in a small pine-like wood on this backwater planet, waiting for Captain Phasma to drive the rebel forces back towards said forrest. When the enemy soldiers came into reach, Kylo’s group of stormtrooper burst out of their hiding spot, attacking the others from the back. This way the Resistance fighters were caught between two groups of First Order soldier. A marvelous plan Hux had conceived.

Behind his black, hard mask Kylo grunted, as he chucked a lifeless body from his ever burning blade into the tread-up mud on the ground. After yesterday’s incident the general had shown himself to nobody and the briefing had been given by Captain Phasma, who had been aware of the maneuver beforehand. Ripping his arm upward in a feral, jerking movement, another screaming form rose in the air, started bending in an unnatural way, before plunging back towards the ground like a cast away doll. Kylo was furious. Only yesterday had he found out that he had left traces of his former self _inside_ Hux mind. A thing the knight had wanted to purge, to destroy once and for all, had found a new hiding place were it could grow roots.

Why didn’t Hux act upon that knowledge? That question had been driving Kylo mad since Hux had left his rooms in a desperate rush. With information like that, Hux could have destroyed Kylo’s good standing with Snoke easily, to gain a more favorable position himself. 

All around his eyes dark schemes were dancing, red and blue laser fire exploded everywhere and blinded his vision. The burning rage in his gut tore at his nerves, dulling his senses. Like a battle-crazed gundark Kylo ripped through every living body that was in reach. Only sheer luck prevented him from hitting his own troops.

Mentally, Kylo was still clawing and pounding at the question ’why’ when all of a sudden a red hot streak bloomed across his cheek, where he had tested his palm for Hux’ body heat. And wasn’t it obvious? The images Kyo had gleaned from Hux’ mind and had gloated over weren’t just some freakish fancy the general had held hidden. No. Hux had started to care about the Master of the Knights of Ren.

The fiery blade ripped through a midsection of a stray rebel, before Kylo came to a halt. He was slightly bent over, the arm carrying the sword extended for balance, still like solidified lava. All through his body, his muscles, his sinews there was the sensation he had felt, when he had kissed Hux. It was a feeling that had made him feel powerful. Suddenly the dark knight realized that not only destruction resided in his power, but also creation. For a split second, he had made Hux lower his guard willingly, to bid Kylo in, because Hux had _fallen in love_ with him.

A frail, insecure smile split Kylo’s face beneath the mask, as he slowly stood upright, the sound of the raging battle around him drowned out by his own heartbeat he had never experienced so vividly before.

_Maybe …_ The thought was thin and barely conceived as it wound its way through Kylo’s sore mind. _Maybe Ben isn’t so bad at all._

Despite knowing that weak and laughable version of himself, Hux had done nothing to use it against the knight. On the contrary, more than once had he sought out Kylo’s presence without an actual reason. Of course he always swooped down on Kylo to tell him to leave the ship intact, not to destroy droids and to file in his report, but that was trivial leg work, that could have been done by anyone else. Hux was usually known to keep a disdained distance from Kylo.

_Not so anymore._ Kylo mused.

Kylo turned off his lightsaber with a barely visible movement. _Maybe_ … The thought started to grow. _Maybe I could keep Ben in Hux mind for now._

A light flared up in Kylo’s mind making him squint involuntarily. There wasn’t much light, but it was bright enough to illuminate his whole being. This time he didn’t feel the need to run and he carefully let the light in and beheld it. In its center was a laugh … no, a smile. A smile that had always been just for him just for … Ben.

_You have to kill your mother._

The sentence wasn’t shouted or screamed. It had been said with the utmost calm and had settled itself in Kylo’s mind like an enormous monument taking up every last bit of space. It was more than the knight could bear. The thought of killing his … It was so vast it scraped at the expanses of Kylo’s conscious, pressing against its boundaries until it might burst one day, shattering him.

With a frantic hand Kylo clawed at his heavy helmet until he could rip it off, throwing it away into the dirt covering the whole planet. As soon as the massive shell was ripped away from his face a raging howl burst through his lips. The sound was rough, desperate and stemmed directly from his lungs, making them contract and work hard to catch another breath. Like an explosion the scream ripped through the battlefield strewn with the slain bodies of the rebels. It filled every inch and every corner and drove Kylo’s senses from him.

At the first flash of white that caught his eye, his lightsaber flared to live, shot through the cool air and ripped apart an armored body before Kylo began his rampage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo ... Here I am again ... Finally! xD
> 
> First there was my holiday keeping me from writing and now there is my undergraduates thesis ... Although I know I shouldn't fret, I am totally anxious and afraid about it. But luckily CaptBexx will be doing her undergraduates thesis too, so we'll muddle through together ... :3 But what I wanted to say initially was, that I won't have much time to write as before ... But I won't abandon those two cry babies! ;3
> 
> As always, I am ever so grateful for everyone who is still reading and commenting, it males me more than happy <3
> 
> (And yes ... Kylo is a bastard to write! xD)


	7. Now your life's no longer empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On his latest mission Kylo goes berserk and starts killing his own troops. As soon as his return is reported on the _Finalizer_ Hux has to receive the enraged knight to keep him in check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected. I'll try to upload a beta'd version as soon as I can! As always, a big thank you to CaptBexx (tumblr) for being the best-friend-beta <3

As soon as Hux had heard, he stormed out of his room, through the vast hallways and down towards the main hangar. In his chest his heart was beating a frantic rhythm, propelling blood through his veins at an rapid pace, making him nauseous. This accelerated pulse made an awful thrumming sound in his ears, blotting out every other sound around him. But that served him right, Hux had only one mission: Find Ren, before Ren found anybody else.

After yesterday’s incident Hux had remained in his quarters, conducting the _Finalizer_ from there was also quite doable, if not comfortable.

 _If I’ll ever be comfortable after … that happened,_ Hux chided himself, while rounding a corner rather harshly, nearly crushing into some startled sergeant.

When it had become clear that this dratted knight had spoiled Hux’ mind with memories of himself, everything had been too much. The realization had struck and pulled the ground from under Hux. His slim, black clad frame was a crumpled heap in the middle of a bleak room; Knees pressing hard against the floor, shoulders slouching forward, head dragging down. All this time being in Ren’s proximity Hux had fought the urge to be even closer. He had masked his ever growing desire with disdain and anger directed towards the knight, but that infantile idiot just _loved_ to intimidate Hux. He had broken into his personal space, into his mind, only to show off who was the more powerful of them.

Gritting his teeth, Hux pushed the thoughts of his laughable break-down aside, that was quite enough self-humiliation for one day. He had a more important job at hand now. Ren was his priority.

While working through some holopads in his room, the communications panel had flared to life with a harsh crackle and an agitated voice ripping apart the thick silence of Hux’ dimly lit room. There had been an incident during the attack of the rebel base. Just before all of the Resistance fighters were eliminated, the Knight of Ren had gone berserk. 

The trooper reporting to Hux had been so hysterical that not even the sharp snap of Hux’ orders had made him explain more clearly, so all the information came out in a jumble: Suddenly Ren had started to kill rebels and stormtroopers alike, no matter what crossed his path. It seemed that he had been stopped by Phasma, but not before wreaking considerate damages to their troops. Apparently the captain had tackled the knight from behind, while he was busy, stabbing another trooper trough the chest.

 _I just hope he left Phasma intact!_ Hux prayed silently, before adding to himself, _But then, Phasma is not easy to kill._

***

As soon as Hux had reached the wide and looming hallway leading to the main hangar’s doors, chaos met him. The thick durasteel gate was swung wide, spewing forth clusters of stormtrooper and other First Order personnel, fleeing like scared animals. Beyond the flock of hysteric people, Hux could make out the starships occupying the hangar. Ren had arrived.

Gritting his teeth Hux walked on, suppressing the urge to run towards Ren’s landed vessel. It wouldn’t do to show that he was … _worried_ about Ren’s return. When Hux gave in, the whole management structure of the _Finalizer_ would too. Also he needed time to think about what he would actually do when he met the enraged knight. He wasn’t even sure what had freed this urge in Ren to slaughter every living thing that he came across. Hux knew that the knight was fierce, even brutal sometimes, but to kill his own people in such quantity?

 _Some things must be dreadfully wrong with him_ , Hux sighed inwardly. _More than usual anyway_.

A bump on his shoulder, driving him around, ripped him out of his brooding thoughts. His head snapped around and he looked into the visor of a stormtrooper, apparently as desperate as his comrades to leave the hangar.

"I …,"  the trooper started, "I didn’t mean–," and that was as far as he got.

With a practiced grip, knowing the layout and set-up of a stormtrooper’s armor perfectly well, Hux gripped the smooth black collar underneath the helmet and yanked the frightened man closer to his face.

"What," Hux growled, "do you think you’re doing?" He finished, ripping the helmet of the other man’s head.

"G-General Hux, sir! I … I didn’t– I mean I didn’t mean to be rude but–" the trooper babbled, looking more than terrified now with his wide eyes and sweaty brow.

Hux considered shouting at the man, ordering him back to his post and signing him up for a discipline measure, but somehow the frightened look on the young man’s face showed something that Hux felt too. Fear. He was afraid of taking on Ren.

Hux let a controlled sigh slip through his thin lips before ordering, "Go to hangar 7-W and tell them to direct all other returning ships to land there. I want the main hangar cleared of any traffic. Is that understood?"

Relief flooded the trooper’s face as he realized that he had gotten away lightly. Before he could say anything more, Hux shoved the helmet back at the man and turned around in a whirl of black cloak, once more headed for the looming starship.

By now the huge hall was nearly empty and Hux reached Ren’s ship without another run in. Shock froze Hux in mid-step; The chute was already down and the ship was empty. The only thing telling of Ren’s being here were the crumbs of dry mud, leading away from the vessel and towards a small personnel exit.

His heart starting anew to pump wildly, Hux followed the muddy lead, pushed open the small door and entered the narrow corridor beyond.

 _At first, he nearly kills all our troopers and now he returns like some hound from the hunt, docily going back to his kennel … Normally he would have wrecked the whole ship by now,_ Hux mused before he was brought short, when he rounded a corner and found Ren just ahead.

***

In the sparsely lit hallway Ren’s black cloaked form nearly melted into the lingering shadows. His broad shoulders were hunched and his head bent forward with his hair sticking out in wild tangles. He didn’t move.

Suddenly Hux throat felt parched. Never had the knight’s presence been so … stifling. It was like he emitted an aura of anger and cruelty. Which he might as well could have done for all Hux knew. When Ren had used the Force upon him before it had the same pressing, nearly grating sensation.

"Ren," Hux started carefully his voice just a breath short of a whisper, but in this isolated corridor it sounded like shouting. "What has happened down there?"

A long-limbed hand extracted itself from the shadowy mass that was Ren’s body and settled on the bleak duracrete wall.

"Nothing of your business," Ren rasped.

The general’s lips twitched. It was an agitating situation for Hux to talk to the knight after what had happened. He knew who Ren had been before his knighthood, who he was inside. If the knight was to find out about the information Hux held, he would make short work of him. But despite this imminent doom, Hux felt the fiery fingers encasing his heart once more. He lov–

"It is my business, since it were my troops you slaughtered," Hux stated flatly, talking over his thoughts.

"They’re just troops. They’re of no importance," Ren said while ever so slightly turning his head over his shoulder, as if to regard Hux. But all the general could see now was even more mussed hair.

Before Hux could do anything, the desperate words had tumbled out of his mouth, chased by his rapid heartbeat, "No, they’re not. But you are, Ren."

It grew silent and cold in the corridor. Not a single sound came from the two man and the only noise that could be heard very faintly, was the constant humming of the _Finalizers_ mechanical insides. Ever vigilant for war.

"That slaughtering of the troops while executing a mission was a complete waste of your power!" Hux barked and flinched as the walls flung his words back at him, but still, he went on. "Why do you keep pushing yourself like that? Killing people that don’t need killing, refusing medical help when you’re wounded? What are you trying to prove?"

Like smoke caught in a hurricane Ren whipped around and stopped only a hand’s breadth away from Hux. So close he wasn’t shrouded in the shadows anymore, now he was painfully distinct against the blurry surroundings.

"Why would you care?!" Ren roared, his blood and mud coated face pulled into a haunted grimace.

Involuntary, Hux’ eyes fluttered shut, awaiting another mental assault. When nothing hit him beside the pungent smell of blood and the all over stench of battlefield he opened his eyes finding Ren’s face only mere inches from him.

Hux’ heart burned away in the fiery grip, erasing his fear, his doubt and his coherent thought.

"Because I know," Hux admitted with his voice held low, afraid that by talking too loud, by using his lips too much he would accidentally touch Ren. Another failed kiss would be his undoing.

In the murky gloom Ren’s pupils were shot wide, making the deep brown of them appear even darker.

The knight moved so suddenly that Hux’ breath caught in his throat blocking his building scream. Hit by the heavy impact he had to take a staggering step back, before realizing what was happening.

Instead of the anticipated invasion of his mind, Ren had only slumped forward. His head rested on Hux’s bony shoulder, dragging him down to one side. The broad and heavily clad shoulders pressed underneath Hux’ chin, tugging his head upwards. The Knight of Ren was leaning on General Hux.

As if Ren had rooted through his mind again, Hux couldn’t get a grip  on his thoughts. One part of him shrilled to shove the other man away and to put on his usual mask of disdain and anger. Yet another part shouted what an unnatural and disgusting being he was, for wanting Ren close like this. And only a thin, frail voice begged him to let it happen and reminded him of what he had dreamt off, the small scared child searching for acceptance.

Hesitantly, Hux’ hands went up and settled on the muscular arms of the other man. Since Hux had been attending desk work, he didn’t wear any gloves. The worn leather of Ren’s jacket felt hard underneath Hux’ soft fingertips only resting lightly on the biceps. Afraid of breaking the tension or was it the mere absence of time, keeping them together in this moment, Hux let his fingers stroke downward very slowly. He took one breath. Exhaled. Then again. By the third breath he felt the strain seeping out of his body; His head rolled sideways, vanishing in the crook of Ren’s neck and his arms dropped downward and caught hold of the other man’s hands.

Locked like that they stood silently, letting the seconds wash around them, gathering to minutes.

Hux wasn’t sure what had happened, he just knew that this was something he had long since waited for. In his head there simply wasn’t space enough to house the fears he had held before hand, now his whole focus lay on the knight, resting on his shoulders.

Without a warning, Ren’s by now accustomed weight was ripped away. A harsh tug ran through Hux’ arm and upper body, as he was propelled forward. The knight had turned around, kept hold of one the general’s hands and towed him towards a narrow door, leading into an unlit room. Hux had internalized the layout of the _Finalizer_ perfectly well, to know that this was a sleeping room for pilots on standby, so they could relief returning pilots should there be a constant attack. A flick of Ren’s hand illuminated the dingy room with a red glow seeping from one of the bunk lights. Red light was used in shared sleeping rooms not to wake the sleeping pilot, if only one had to get up.

A bolt of fear ripped through Hux, as Ren pulled him forward directing him towards one of the small bunks in the far corner. Had Hux miscalculated Ren’s behavior? With rising panic he grabbed the front of his cloak, but the knight was faster and had it already stripped away from the general and pushed him down on the cot.

The Knight of Ren loomed over Hux like a cat over it’s pray, before he stooped down. Hux tried to avoid Ren, by pushing himself against the wall, but the considerate weight of the other man pushed the mattress down and Hux slid back against the hard form of Ren. And … Nothing happened.

Ren’s dirty and smudged face was covered by the slightly sweat dampened hair and his brow was tucked against Hux’ chest, just below the protruding collarbone. For a moment Hux’ breath faltered, before he got hold of his wits once more and looked down at the unmoving knight. With a pale hand Hux started to brush at the inky, mussed up hair, straightening out tangles and only carefully caressing Ren. Stroke by stroke Hux felt the knight relax against his touch and in turn he felt himself ease too, molding his thinner frame a little better against Ren’s rock-like presence.

Hux wasn’t sure how to proceed from here. His previous encounters with men had only constituted some small dabbles before the actual action. He had never … well, spent time with anyone so close without sleeping with them. And then, there still was Ren’s state of mind to take care of. And anyway, the knight wasn’t like any other man.

Hux sighted and bent his head down, cautiously nuzzling the damp crown. The tang of blood and mud was nauseating to Hux, but somehow he kept himself together and gently rested his hand on he back of Ren’s head and pushed the other man close.

"Ren, I–," Hux breathed and was stopped short.

An unintelligible sound drifted up from the knight.

Cautious not to fall back in to his usual commanding tone, when inquiring something, Hux asked lowly "What?"

"’M not Ren."

Hux was on the brink of repeating his question using ‚Kylo‘ instead but then he stopped and thought back. In front of his mind’s eye he saw a child, afraid and unsure of himself. That wasn’t Kylo Ren. Ren was only a cover, a shield for that frail boy to hide behind. A boy that never came out of the shadows to play.

"You’re Ben."

A shudder went through the massive body of the bigger man, like the shivering flanks of a huge horse overcome by exhaustion after finally reaching some kind of destination.

 _Whatever relieving destination I could hope to offer_ , Hux thought wryly, thinking about how much the young Ben resembled Hux in his own childhood.

Suddenly a tickling sensation started just above Hux’ abdomen and moved steadily upward. Resisting his instinct to pull away he realized that Ben was undoing the hidden hooks of the general’s uniform, uncovering the thin grey t-shirt underneath. Ben didn’t look at Hux, when he pulled his head away from his chest, opening the buttons on the collar. Having striped the jacket from Hux, Ben inched closer and pressed his stained face against the thin fabric, listening to Hux’ heartbeat. At the moment a slightly exalted trot.

After all the pierced and stopped hearts Ren had caused, the heartbeat of the smaller man felt soothing. Like the dying hearts of the stormtroopers Hux’ heart also emitted ripples in the force, washing over Ben. But they were steadier, more alive.

"It’s beating," Ben whispered and pressed his lips against Hux breast, just a kiss away from the breastbone.

"Because of you," Hux admitted, a careful smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt really bad having been so lazy on those two Wayward Sons ... So I sat down and wrote this in one whole evening, apparently it wanted to be written xD Sadly my life is taken up my university for the most part, so I am not really inspired ... so I hope this chapter went alright ^.^'
> 
> I am still ever so happy for all the people who like this fic, leave Kudos and comments and just plain read it without hating it <3


	8. Don't you cry no more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a dark and remote room on the Finalizer Hux has managed to calm Kylo down as much as possible. Hidden away like that both men give away part of themselves that makes them vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if anybody still remembers this fanfiction of mine … but I felt really bad for not finishing it and after one and a half year I thought … how about writing an end for those two wayward sons? xD So, before the new movie will hit the cinemas I’ll post the last two remaining chapters of this fic, so I can pretend it is totally up to date with all the Kylux fandom! *cough* … xD
> 
> The two chapters are already finished and only need to be beta-read and then we can wrap this up and await the undoubtedly new and fresh Kylux content that will be produced after the new movie AAAAH *AAAA*
> 
>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected.

The red light around them gave the room a feeling of a womb, deep down in the _Finalizer’s_ insides. Hux and Ben were entangled like twins. Two sons waiting to be born anew.

Hux wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but his eyes started drooping, lulled by Ben’s warmth and the soft touch of lips, seeping through his thin shirt. No, he couldn’t sleep now. He knew when he only closed his eyes to sleep that Ben would be gone like a shadow vanishing at the touch of light.

„Why did you do it?“ Hux asked hoarsely, keeping his voice low.

Ben’s body stiffened and Hux regretted instantly having asked this question. Evidently something was troubling the taller man so much, that even now he wouldn’t speak about it.

 _And why should he tell me?_ Hux inquired irritatingly of himself. _It’s not like we’ve been on speaking terms … ever._

Big, gloved hands slid underneath his generals jacket, clamping down on either side of his hip.

„I … I can’t …“ Ben mumbled against Hux’ chest.

A tremor went through the muscular arms, fingers pressing into Hux’ hip, crumpling the t-shirt, slowly bruising the pale flesh.

„I am mighty,“ Ben spat out every word, his head now pressing painfully against Hux breastbone. „I can _kill_ people!“

Hux fisted Ben’s thick scarf in order to ignore the flaming pain in his hips and the spreading numbness in his legs. Ben was agitated by the raging anger inside of him, nearly ripping him apart. Unconsciously Hux wrapped his other arm around the bigger man, trying to contain some of the rage fueling Ben’s trembling body.

A harsh clatter like polished durasteel ripped through the soft and downy silence of the room. Ben had pushed himself off of the bunk and was now firmly planted over Hux, a hand on either side of his face.

Dumbfounded, Hux remained laying on his side a second longer, before he carefully rolled onto his back, facing Ben’s wild expression.

„I need to be in the dark.“ Ben’s voice was taut and trembling, his eyes flickering back and forth in the sockets. „Just … one more step. Then I’m there.“

The words tumbled out if his mouth as if Hux knew what to do with them. His wide open eyes searched the red-lid face of the man before him, looking for any sanity to catch hold of.

A small tear slipped the boundary of Ben’s eye and rolled down his cheek, leaving a light path in the grime and blood.

„She always wanted me in the Light,“ Ben quivered. „She couldn’t see who I am. She didn’t _want_ to see who I am!“

The tear slipped from his face, grazing Hux’ cheek and wearing thin. Next to his ear he heard Ben’s gloved hands crushing the rumpled bed sheets. Hux’ lips formed a thin line in his narrow face. Through the dim red light and his puls distorted vision he tried to focus on Ben, to see the child once more. And there it was: Angry with his own mother, who couldn’t accept her child for what it was. For wanting it to bend to her image of it and through that pressure only shoving him away further.

 _So Snoke want’s him to kill his mother, too._ Hux thought.

Letting himself think back to his own, commanding father, he came to the conclusion that he would have killed him too. After a while. Always trying to live up to his fathers high standards, not being able to be himself … Hux had grown weary. But nature had taken its course before Hux could come to any similar conclusion. If a parent didn’t accept their children for what they were, they didn’t deserve to live.

Carefully, Hux reached up and put his hand on Ben’s face. He could feel the dried blood, but this time he really didn’t care. In gentle, stroking motions he rubbed away some of the grime on Ben’s high cheek bone. Instinctively Hux grabbed the sleeve of his discarded jacket and brushed it over the other side of Ben’s face.

„I can see you,“ Hux whispered, steadily wiping away mud. „The Dark Side courses through you. It makes you powerful. It makes you unique. If … she can’t accept that, she shouldn’t be around anymore,“ the last words were spoken with a little more vehemence than should have been necessary, but Hux felt the anger for his father well up.

And suddenly the rough, dark structure that had been Kylo Ren crumpled away completely. Spilling forth and into Hux' mind came the insecure and lost boy who's name was Ben. In a heap of inky cloth, Ben descended on Hux and kissed him fiercely.

Astonished by the sudden movement and the breach into his consciouness, Hux grunted. His eyes sprung wide, still incapable of taking in more light than the red bulb offered. For a moment Hux felt like he was burning up from the inside out. His heart erupted with a fiery burst, spilling all over his body. But then the heat drove him on and a moan bubbled up from his lips. With an abandon Hux hadn't displayed in years he wrapped his arms around Ben's trembling form and pulled him close, holding onto him like a drowning man.

The kiss was rough, sloppy and most of all needy. Ben's entire need to be accepted for what he was made him hungry and driven, coiling around Hux' mind in search of proximity. Hux's need to finally be himself and to comfort Ben in which he saw so much of himself made him eager and his mind molded itself willingly into Ben's touch.

His hands ran through the dark mess of Ben's hair and traced careful lines over the scalp's sensitive skin. Without any restraint Ben deepened the kiss and his hands began pushing Hux' shirt out of the way. Absorbed in the swirling sensations Hux began pulling at Ben's clothes just the same.

But then a strange calm settled on both of them like fine snow, cooling their heated interactions. Haltingly, Ben sat back and Hux let go of him. Then, as if some silent approval had been given, Hux began undressing Ben. First he pulled the long folds of the scarf from around his neck. After that Hux undid the leather fastenings on the heavily worn jacked and peeled it off Ben's breast, shoulders and arms, like he had done so many weeks before. Layer by layer he removed Kylo Ren and revealed Ben.

When Ben was laid bare like that, he bowed his head and his hair tumbled into his face like a dark vail. Cupping Ben's face, Hux pulled him down again. 

Ben stretched out next to him and Hux buried his face in the dark curls, breathing in the heavy scent of blood, dirt and battlefield. Inside his chest his heart had settled on a rhythmic pulse as it found its place with Ben. This was how it was supposed to be. The missing piece of a puzzle had finally fallen into place and gave reason to everything. Hux' former child was just like Ben; both scared to be themselves, pulled and distorted into a shape that wasn't theirs. But together, those deformed pieces fit together perfectly. Together they resided in the darkness they had made their home.

"Who was it for you?" Ben murmured huskily, as if he had picked up Hux' train of thought. Which was very likely.

"My father," Hux replied.

"Did you kill him?"

"He died before I could," Hux answered, resignation tinging his voice.

Ben hummed in understanding, huddling closer to Hux, like a great wounded beast, seeking comfort in a person who was most likely to pull the spear from its maltreated body.

And Hux did just that. He pushed his hands deep into Ben's hair and held him close. If Ben needed to kill his mother to completely descent into the dark to which he was drawn to like a moth to fire, Hux would be there to help him. He marveled and admired the being that was Kylo Ren, but he also felt a deep connection to the far more vulnerable part that was Ben. Together they would bring terror and destruction to the galaxy. To everything that had ever hurt them, to everything that was in their way of _being_ themselves.

Closely entwined, Ben and Hux lay in the blood-red light as silence and time pooled around them like resin. Giving into his exhaustion, Hux let himself be dragged under, reveling in the weight and the warmth of Ben's body pressing on top of him. Just before his sleep swallowed him up completely, he felt the other men submitting to the pull of sleep, too, and they both went under.

***

When Hux woke it felt like no time had passed. The soft darkness only slightly held at bay with the red glow of the light overhead hadn't changed at all. The air was dry and warm as Hux carefully drew breath.

Breathing was an exhausting task since Ben hadn't moved and still lay on top of him, his face buried in Hux' neck.

Hux silenced his charging thoughts and worries with a defiant shake of his head. What if anyone came looking for him? Hadn't the Finalizer personell begun to worry about their absent general after he had chased the rabid Knight?

That didn't matter. All that mattered was to bring Ben back to sanity, to let him make his peace with his worried child so that he could take up the armor that was Kylo Ren once more.

Leaning into Ben's touch, Hux turned his head. Two dark, unforgiving eyes stared back at him and pinned him into place.

"Ben what's–" Hux began but was brought short.

In an uproar like bursting stone, Ben shot from the narrow cot and whirled about the dingy room, that suddenly appeared too small to contain him and his power.

"You!" Ben bellowed and advanced towards Hux.

Completely driven by instinct Hux had risen from the cot, too, but this was a huge mistake. A sudden impact to his upper body hurled him backwards and he crashed against the wall.

Pain erupted in his chest, flared through his entire body and drove an incoherent shout from Hux.

"What have you done to me?!" Ben wailed and grabbed Hux by his shirt front, shaking him like a misbehaving pet.

"I– ugh! Ben–" Hux tried to talk out but couldn't. Pain and the jerking movement choked each and every word on his lips. 

Confusion and alarm were sirens in Hux' head and he couldn't think properly. What had happened to Ben? Hadn't they found together yesterday or … or had Ben finally realized that Hux wasn't like him at all, that he was abnormal and unworthy. Fear and disgust at himself blossomed in Hux' stomach like a poisonous flower. He should have never thought that he and Ben could have …

A horrendous crack ripped Hux out of the snares of his fear addled thoughts. The adrenaline that pumped through his body delayed the sensation that it had been his ribs that had broken with the renewed impact with the wall.

Gagging, Hux doubled over and vomited on the floor.

"Don't you ever dare go near me again," Ben … _Ren_ growled and vanished out of the room, a whisp of smoke caught by a gust of wind. 

Squinting through his eyes narrowed with pain, Hux only saw the gaping mouth of the open door, before blackness overtook him.

***

The awakening in the medical quarters had been painful. Hux' whole chest was swathed with thick, white bandages that made his slim chest look even frailer. Monitoring devices and hypodermic injections protruded from his arms like artificial veins and made him sick by just looking at them.

Apparently there were some kind of standard procedures should the general of a First Order fleet go missing or fall unconscious for a certain amount of time. Those procedures included retiring him from command for as long as it took for a medical droids to confirm his complete recovery or at least a sufficient healing that enabled him to pick up command again.

Hux' had been furious. But he wasn't able to do anything since his ribs would erupt into a sudden burst of mind-numbing pain that left him paralyzed.

Now, trapped as he was, Hux eyed the bleak surroundings with a brooding stare that would have melted glaciers.

How could he have thought that he and Ben could be anymore than the enemies they had been from the moment they met?

But then again thinking back to yesterday's events, the enticing dark, the soft red glow of the lamp and Ben's wonderful weight against his body, their coalesced consciouss … it had felt so right. Having seen the memories of the young Ben that had been left in Hux' mind made everything so much clearer. He understood Ben, his aggravating need to be accepted for what he was, his ache for the darkness.

If Hux could only make Ben see that he would accept him for what he was. That he admired his might and the darkness that coiled around him in a dark and ancient pattern. Why hadn't Ben understood, that Hux … loved him?

Hux sat up with a start but regretted his impulsive and emotion-driven decision immediately. His ribs exploded in a wave of pain and he had to gag. Regaining his breath in shallow gaps Hux tried to focus on his last thought.

Love.

Was he even capable of such a thing? Sure, his body longed for Ben's, his touches and kisses that burned his insides away and left him hollow except for a deep and visceral desire. But could his mind and his actions convey love or care when such things had only been remote social constructs that Hux had never been part off?

A silent tear slipped past his eye that spoke of every insecurity and fear Hux held close to himself. He didn't know.

What he did know was that Ben knew about Hux' feelings, that he apparently despised him for it and that he had vanished. No one knew where to. When he was bound to return, Hux wasn't sure how much longer he would hold the rank of a general. Or live, for that matter.

Anger, frustration and fear were coarse ropes that coiled around Hux' heart, pulling tighter with every shallow breath he took. Maybe he had sealed his fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The next chapter will be up in about a week!


	9. For there'll be peace when you are done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kylo and Hux part on violent terms, both of them have to come to a conclusion of how they will proceed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note:** All statements included in this fanfiction are the views of the characters, not of the author! (I am saying that just in case because I am aiming for Hux to be an asshole xD)
> 
> Also this chapter has not been beta'd properly. Since I am not a native speaker the grammar might be flawed and there are typos to be expected.

Confusion was a whirlwind in Kylo's mind, scattering his thoughts and diminishing his hold on his entire being. Unable to slow down he blindly stormed through the dark, snow covered woods, chopping away at the trees. His startling red lightsaber cut through the impenetrable dark only to connect with the gnarled stump of a pine tree that would erupt into dry burst of splinters.

The sheltering crevice in his soul was too deep down for him to reach. His anger brought he seas of his soul to a boil, making it impossible for him to dive deep and find the safety he so desperately needed.

Why had he opened himself to Hux like that? Leaving parts of his memory in Hux' mind for save keeping had been fine as long as he had control over the other man. But fusing their minds, spilling forth all of his fears and needs had left him ripped open and raw. With every minute passing by more and more of his former self seeped through the cracks and threatened to overflow his epitome of power, Kylo Ren.

Now Hux had the means to destroy him. One well placed word with Snoke would be his undoing. Everything he had worked for, everything he had sacrificed would be for naught.

Suddenly the ground beneath him gave way and he slipped. In a series of spinning images Kylo crashed down a steep gorge and crashed into a fallen tree and stopped his descent.

Pain and nausea managed to blot out the worst of his swirling confusion and his mind began to collect itself like rain gathering in a puddle.

Sharing such proximity with Hux had been a strange sensation. Again his mind had found an easy entrance to Hux' like following the well worn steps of a staircase. Some part of his mind that had always appeared incomplete or lacking had been filled. Their minds had merged as if they were one and images and emotions had flowed back and forth without any borders. Despite his knowledge about Ben, Hux hadn't taken any actions towards Snoke. Instead he had confessed to Kylo that he knew.

Hux had kept the memories safe, he had welcomed Kylo into his mind with an eagerness that Kylo wouldn't have expected of the dreary general.

Hux had been _kind_ to him.

An image of strong hands under his arms that lifted him up high into the skies exploded in front of his inner eye. His father had been kind to him … But he had to die!

Kylo groaned in agony.

Every person that had ever been kind to him had tried to force him to be someone who he wasn't. The tender hands had put a relentless pressure on him. Why wouldn't he be good? Why wouldn't he succeed?!

With a fierce howl Kylo sprang back to his feet and swirled around, trying to find some release for his pain. He wasn't good, he would never walk in the light.

Realization burst forth from his chest like a small stream erupting from a rocky crevice. Hux didn't walk in the light either. His actions spoke of his own desire to be submerged in the dark and to bring it over the whole galaxy if necessary.

His breath came in quick successions. Hux wouldn't be destroyed by him since he already walked in the dark. If Hux accepted Kylo for what he was, if he kept the memories of Ben safe … Maybe they could be together.

A strange, tingling sensation unfolded in his gut and crawled all over his body. He wanted Hux. Hux was his.

With his renewed calm and dissolving confusion, Kylo turned around and began the steep climb up the gorge, towards his space shuttle.

***

The three weeks Hux had spent in the medical quarter had lastet an eternity. Confined to his bed – and worst of all his thoughts – Hux had come to the conclusion that Ben must have gone rogue. Roaming the galaxy or maybe just some distant planet to let his inner beast run free.

His disgust at the delusion that Ben would actually feel something for him had retreated into a small corner of his mind, lurking and waiting for the dark to fall so it could strike again. But at day Hux kept it at bay. He closed his eyes and focused on the part of his mind that wasn't his own. Like glowing orbs Ben's memories floated around Hux' conscious, appearing when he least expected them too. But once in a while he would seek them out and look at them. To his resentment it had to be called 'wistfully'.

After three agitating weeks, Hux had been allowed to pick up some minor work. He was determined to find the person who was responsible for the emergency procedures and have him executed.

With still smarting and tightly bandaged ribs Hux roamed his personal quarters and conducted further missions to destroy the rebels. Not caring if it was with or without Ben.

Distracted with his work and pain, the news which were delivered to him in the fourth week took him by surprise. Kylo Ren had set course for the _Finalizer_.

Frozen into place, Hux stared off into the fathomless depth of space.

"Sir?"

The static crackle of the intercom was completely lost to Hux. What would Ben do upon his return? Was he back to kill Hux, because he posed a threat to him since he held knowledge that could be used against Ben? Hux' guts turned to water and churned with fright. Despite that his hard, drawn features didn't betray any emotion.

"Sir? What are we to do with Lord Ren?"

Snapping out of his fright, Hux spun around, his ribs throbbing.

"Let him–" Hux barked but stopped. This was inevitable. He couldn't stop Ben no matter what he did. If Ben wanted to kill him, Hux would at least face him without running. "Just let him pass."

***

With a subdued whosh the immaculate doors parted and revealed the looming figure of Ben. His dark robes flowed around him like smoke. His new but already heavily damaged helmet concealed his face. But Hux didn't need to see it to know what it held. Tension and suspicion filled the room immediately, making it hard to breathe.

Taking an involuntary step back, Hux bumped into his low desk.

His hammering heart made him want to vomit and he had to swallow around the lump forming in his throat. Never had he thought it would end like this. But then he caught hold of his own anger, disappointment and frustration, that his vision clouded over. If Ben would kill him, Hux would at least die fighting and he hadn't forgiven Ben how he had played him four weeks before.

With an intelligible yell, Hux surged forward and lunged for Ben's helmet. The dark, matte metal felt smooth and cold under his fingertips. Suppressing the shudder that crept up from his spine, he yanked the helmet off.

In a gush of black hair, Ben's face appeared under the mask. The smell of sweat and dirt filled Hux' nostrils.

"You've used me!" Hux spat and punched Ben in the face.

Hux' knuckles gave a sickening crack and he grunted. Ben on the other hand hadn't moved an inch. His head was turned to the side, his left cheek burning an angry red,

Waiting for a reprisal Hux squared his shoulders and looked at the other man in defiance. But nothing happened. Slowly, Ben raised his head again and a face full of sorrow and guilt was revealed. Ben had let it happen. He had taken the punch without defending himself.

Lowering his shoulders, Hux dared a hard look into Ben's eyes and then realization hit him. This was an apology.

"You …" Hux breathed but stopped. He didn't know what to say. His thoughts and feelings danced around each other, unable to form a coherent thought. Ben had come back. He hand't killed him he–

A sudden pressure on his conscious stilled his fretful thinking. The feeling was similar to a hand gingerly placed on his shoulder, building up a slight, but comforting pressure. With a shuddering exhale, Hux closed his eyes and let Ben in.

Their minds flowed into each other as two streams would form a surging river. Emotions, fears and memories mingled, intertwined and found their counterparts. Unsure how to communicate with his thoughts, Hux furrowed his brown and _willed_ his thoughts alongside Ben's. Making him see.

"Hux," Ben gasped. His voice rough from disuse.

Opening his eyes again the room appeared to be brighter than before. The white light was a screaming at Hux and hurt his eyes.

But then Ben stepped up to him, blotting out the light. Without another Word he kissed Hux full on the mouth and drove him further against the desk. Loosing his footing, Hux grabbed Ben's billowing shawl for pursuit and dragged him down upon himself.

With questing hands, Ben tugged Hux' loose fitting pullover up, to reveal his white belly and bandaged chest. Breaking the kiss with puffs of breath, Ben sat back and looked down at Hux with hungry, but insecure eyes.

"'S fine …" Hux mumbled while he fought with the garment to get out of it. His desire and nervousness accelerated his pulse, but Ben's steady presence in his mind soothed him.

When Hux was done, Ben descended on him once more. Hux lost himself in the abandon of their kiss and the twinging pain in his chest suddenly stopped to bother him. Everywhere in and around him was only Ben's dark and familiar presence that by now felt like his own.

Grabbing, kissing and biting they got rid of each other's clothes and soon Ben's huge, warm hands coursed all over Hux's slender body. Leaning into every touch that mapped his body, Hux picked up a slight tremor in the other man's hands. Drawing away, Hux pushed at Ben's shoulders to gain some distance. Ben's face was flushed and his eyes fierce. But the way the dark and glistening orbs flicked around the socket spoke of some insecurity.

Swallowing, Hux tried to sound in control and not out of breath as he actually was. "Bed," he gasped.

Ben's mind coiled around Hux' in sudden confusion. Willing his mind to convey his feelings, Hux pressed back comfortingly, letting some of his need seep into he touch.

Then, gently as if one would carry a filigree bird of paradise, Ben picked up Hux naked form and carried it towards the narrow, well made bed.

When Ben tried to lay Hux down, he stopped him.

"You lay down," Hux whispered.

Sparks of anger erupted from Ben's eyes but turned to a soft smolder. He put Hux down, grabbed his waist and kissed him while sinking down onto the pristine, white sheets.

Straddling the other man, Hux placed his knees left and right of Ben's waist and let his hands trail the expanse of exposed, muscular chest, finding all the dips and rises, each and every scar that graced him. Ben's kisses, licks and bites were fiery marks all over his exposed body, driving moan after moan from his parted lips. Driven by lust, Hux pressed his forehead agains Ben's chest and began lapping at the hardening nipples. The taste of sweat and battlefield filled his mouth.

Around them the heat rose in an all consuming mist, making them the only two souls in the galaxy that mattered.

With a slow, steady rhythm, Hux began grinding his hips against Ben's. Below him the other man squirmed with the newly felt sensations and grabbed at Hux' thighs in order to stay focused.

Hux pried one of Ben's hands loose with gentle fingers and brought it up to his face. Ben's face was attentive but surprise and trepidation blossomed all over it when Hux began sucking at index and middle finger. Carefully, Hux guided Ben's hand back between his legs and leaned forward to raise his hips. He covered his escaping gasp with a fierce kiss and Ben moaned in return.

Their minds began to tremble with the sudden advance in bodily proximity. Entwining further and further it became harder to distinguish to whom which sensations belonged and soon Ben and Hux sighed in unison.

The heat around them build up with a maddening pressure, limbs began to tremble with exertion and growing arousal and their mind had become one pulsing pattern.

With grabbling fingers and frantic kisses, Hux helped Ben to find the right position and where to put his hands. Holding on with bruising fingers, Ben bit Hux' neck to stifle his own groan as Hux glided down in a graceful arc.

Ben's initial trepidation slowly dissolved in the waves of blinding lust as Hux worked himself steadily up and down and made their coalescent minds thrum with their passion.

Completely swallowed up by the overwhelming sensation, Hux was only able to sloppily grab Ben's face and kiss him deeply while mumbling "Ben, Ben, Ben" over and over.

Together they moved in unison. Their minds one indistinguishable pattern that wove around them tighter and tighter the further they got. With an explosion of stars in front of their eyes their desire overtook them and they stormed over the edge. Panting and moaning, Hux collapsed on top of Ben who in return slung his arms around him like a cat catching its prey.

Slowly, haltingly the two consciousness drew back and each took on a more unique form, although the edges still mingled about each other, never fully separating.

Now they had done it. They had crossed the threshold that had been separating them from the start.Together they could achieve so much more. Ben was the power Hux so desperately needed to fulfill his plans and Hux was the anchor for Ben while becoming Kylo Ren. And they both fulfilled each others desire to feel … loved. To have someplace to belong to.

"Hux," Ben said huskily.

"Yes, Ben?" Hux whispered in reply, his nose pressed against Ben's neck.

"Will this go on?" Ben asked with a deep, rumbling voice. His tone … hopeful?

Pushing himself upright so that he could see into Ben's fathomless eyes, Hux replied, "Until darkness has covered the galaxy and beyond."

And for the first time since Hux had met Ben, something similar to a smile grazed his lips, like a fine layer of frost while his eyes held a hungry gleam.

Hux felt his lips split apart in a smile of his own. Oh yes, this would go on. Together they could rule the galaxy.

Giving into the sweet pull that Ben had on him, Hux leaned down into a tender kiss.

***

In front of him the vast universe spread out towards infinity. A multitude of stars pierced the impenetrable dark and spoke of distant lifeforms. Potential enemies of the First Order. Enemies he … they would crush.

A sudden, fierce red explosion basked the entire space in a death-bringing glow, that swallowed up each and every life that it came across. The new improved Starkiller Base would soon rise out of the ashes of its predecessor and obliterate the rebel scum that still resisted them.

Hux' cruel smile got even wider when he felt the by now familiar touch to his mind. Ben had walked up to him and eyed the exploding planets with a hunger in his eyes that was only equaled by Hux' own. By now reaching out and communicating with this new found connection was second nature to Hux, so a soft tendril of his mind pushed back against Ben's and let him feel his joy.

"Success?" Ben asked with his low gravely voice. As usual the _Finalizers_ personnel had fallen silent with his arrival.

"A glowing one," Hux purred in reply.

Ben turned around and their eyes met. The slim, barely visible smile told Hux everything he had to know. He reciprocated the smile. And then, as one they turned back towards the viewport to face the galaxy and their shared future spreading out in front of them.

**~ Fin ~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU! To everyone who stuck with me, even through the one and a half year of silence ... You guys are the best! <3


End file.
